


Cursed or Not

by catiemo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accountant Castiel, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mechanic Dean Winchester, Past Abuse, Phone Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2014-01-09
Packaged: 2017-12-26 04:02:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 28,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/961339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catiemo/pseuds/catiemo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas meet at a coffee shop one Morning and their lives will never be the same as Cas is still dealing with the trauma of his abusive relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Previously called "More Than a Latte"
> 
> Written for Tumblr User chocomonki
> 
> Updates will be posted every Monday and Thursday (changed because I'm pretty far ahead)

            “Large soy Latte for Castiel,” the name caught Dean’s attention and he felt compelled to as the man of woman about their unusual name. He walked toward the counter, his eyes locked on it as a man with a trench coat and messy hair picked up the order. He approached the man, who still had his back to him, and tapped his shoulder.

            “Excuse me,” he began, the man turned around and his gaze was met with the most intense blue eyes he had ever seen.

            “Did you want something?” the question broke through Dean’s haze and he managed to continue.

            “I was just wondering about your name,” he said a bit dumbly.

            “I usually just have them put ‘Cas’ to avoid things like this…” he trailed off with a sigh, and Dean felt bad for intruding.

            “I’m sorry, I just have this… _thing_ with unusual names, and yours is beautiful.”

            Castiel smiled at that. “Thank you.”

            “Hey, thank your parents, they named you.”

            The laugh that comment pulled from the other man was like an old tune from a forgotten music box and Dean got the sense that he didn’t laugh much. “I’m going to have to tell Anna her attempt at embarrassment failed,” he said, gesturing vaguely to the redhead behind the counter.

            “I think I should thank Anna.”

            “I think you should tell me your name,”

            “Dean,” he said, offering his hand.

            “Good to meet you, Dean,” Castiel took his hand and shook it firmly, feeling the calluses and wondering what this man did for a living.

            “Pumpkin Chai for Dean,”

            “That’s me,” Dean said. He couldn’t help a smile as he notice the other man follow him to the counter.

            “Would you like to get a table?” he asked as Dean turned from the counter with his hot beverage.

            “Sounds great,” Dean replied with a smile and let Castiel lead him to a table in the corner of the shop.

            “So, Dean,” Castiel began as they sat down, “do you live around here?”

            “Yup,” Dean replied, taking a sip of his Chai, “few blocks over. You?”

            “I live in the suburbs, but I work pretty close. Had to grab something from the office today so I figured I’d get some coffee while I was here.”

            “Must have an important job if you had to go in on a Saturday.”

            “Well, tax accounting isn’t all that glamorous, but sometimes a phone charger gets left behind on the weekend.”

            Dean laughed out loud at that, “and here I thought you were taking work home with you.”

            “I’m not that loyal,” Castiel let out a small chuckle and sipped at his coffee. “What do you do?”

            “I’m a mechanic and damn proud of it, so don’t get all high and mighty.”

            “I would never,” Castiel said gently, “it’s as noble a profession as any and more necessary than some. Work is work.”

            “Well, aren’t you just a decent human being,” there was a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

            “That just about sums me up.”

            They were silent for a few minutes, just sipping their drinks and enjoying having another body sharing space with them. Dean wondered idly if the other man would mind if he called him Cas, Castiel wondered if Dean was attracted to men in the same way he was.

            “You got family around here?” Castiel asked, finally breaking the silence.

            “Not around here,” Dean answered, “My brother’s out in California doing the college thing and he’s about all I have left.” Cas thought he noticed a hint of sadness in Dean’s reply but didn’t have much time to think about it before his question was turned back on himself.

            “My brother Gabriel lives out by me, and I have a lot of harebrained relations floating around. Anna’s actually my cousin.”

            “Yeah, I can see the resemblance now. She’s cute.”

            “Did you just call my cousin and me cute?”

            “I didn’t say anything about you, but yeah, you are.”

            Castiel blushed and Dean’s heart swelled. The man really was beautiful. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

            “Dude, you are the corniest flirter I’ve ever flirted with.”

            “Hey, if it gets the point across.”

            “Listen, I gotta get to the garage soon, but let me give you my number before I go.” Cas watched as Dean took a napkin from the holder and a pen from his pocket in one smooth motion. He wrote his number down, and slid it across the table. “Nice meeting you, Castiel; balls in your court.” and he slid out the door while Cas stared at the napkin in front of him.


	2. Chapter 2

            The next day, Sam called Dean. “Hey, Sammy,” Dean answered the phone, the smile obvious in his voice.

            “Well you seem happy,” Sam observed.

            “I am,” Dean sighed, “I kinda met a guy.”

            “Kinda? How do you _kinda_ meet someone?”

            “Well, I met this guy, we talked a bit, and I gave him my number, but that’s as far as it got. We’ll see what happens.”

            “Dude, how long has it been since you’ve dated?”

            “Not since Lisa, and that was two years ago.”

            “Well, it’s about time you were happy again. You still going to therapy?”

            “Nah, I’ve been pretty good on my own; no need to keep paying Dr. Bradbury when I can take what she’s taught me and deal with things myself.”

            “As long as you’re taking care of yourself.”

            “I am. Is there a reason you called?”

            “Yeah, actually,” there was a pause, “I’m going to ask Jess to marry me.”

            “That’s great, man. I’m happy for you. You got a plan?”

            “I’m taking her to her favorite restaurant and then we’re going to walk down by the lake. When we get to her favorite spot, I’ll get down on one knee and pop the question.”

            “Sammy, you romantic, you.”

            “That’s me,” Sam laughed, “I just wanted to make sure that you’ll be okay. I’m not leaving you.”

            “Sam, I was _okay_ with you leaving for Stanford, I’m ecstatic about having a sister-in-law.”

            “Good,” Sam breathed a sigh of relief.

            “Do you know when you’re going to do it?”

            “Not sure yet. I bought the ring yesterday. I’m keeping it at a friend’s place so she won’t find it.”

            “Well don’t take too long, girl like that’s not going to wait forever.”

            “I know. So tell me about this guy you met.”

            “His name is Castiel, that’s how I noticed him.”

            “How do you notice someone by their name?”

            “We were in a coffee shop and they called his name to pick up his order.”

            “Is he cute?”

            “Like I would give my number to someone who isn’t cute.”

            “What’s he like?”

            “He has dark messy hair and these intense blue eyes. He’s an accountant, and he has a brother. That’s about all we had a chance to talk about before I had to go to work.”

            “Well he sounds pretty normal so far,” Sam laughed, “I gotta go, I promised Jess I’d make dinner and she’ll be home soon.”

            “Okay. Talk to you later, Sammy.”

            “Bye, Dean.”

 

            According to the napkin, Dean’s last name was Winchester. Castiel looked at it at least once an hour for the rest of the weekend. He knew the three-day rule, and while he thought it was ridiculous, he also didn’t want to seem too eager.

            Monday morning he found himself in the coffee shop again, dosing up on caffeine before another mindless day of crunching numbers. If he was being totally honest, he was a little disappointed when he didn’t see Dean again.

            He went back to the coffee shop for lunch and Anna teased him about it. “This is sad,” she pointed out, “You know, he doesn’t come in here that often.”

            “I know,” Castiel sighed, not even bothering to deny why he was spending money on lunch instead of eating the one he had sitting in the break room fridge.

            “He did come in here today though,” she continued, “right after you left this morning.” Castiel’s heart leaped a bit at that, but he tried to pass it off. “Well, everyone needs a little pick-me-up on a Monday morning,”

            Anna laughed, seeing through Castiel’s poker face. “Just go eat your sandwich.”

 

            When Dean got off work, there was a missed call and a text on his phone, both from an unknown number. The text said _Hello, Dean. It’s Cas. sorry I must have called during work_. Dean smiled and made a mental note that he could call the guy Cas now.

            Dean replied _no problem Cas. good to hear from you_ before saving the number to his contacts.

            He busied himself making a few grilled cheese sandwiches. Cas’s reply came just as he was flipping the first one. _Anna said you were in the shop today. Sorry I missed you._

            _Me too. Bit of a wasted trip._

_I’ll do you a favor and not tell Anna you said that._

_Oh thank god. I don’t know if I could handle the wrath of a barista._

_Sarcasm?_

_Yes. and do me a favor and not tell her I said that too?_

_I think that can stay between us._

            At that point, Dean had finished his dinner, put his dishes in the sink to be washed when he ran out of plates, and was now laying on his bed listening to AC/DC. He was picturing Cas’s face and wondered what he was doing. It took a few minutes before Dean decided to ask.

            _I’m trying to read but you’re distracting me._

Dean’s heart fell a bit. _Sorry, I can stop_

Cas’s reply came quickly. _Don’t_ followed by a new message _It’s a good distraction. What are you doing?_

 _Listening to_ Back in Black _on my bed._

_I haven’t listened to much AC/DC but I like what I’ve heard._

_We could listen together sometime. Maybe in my bed._ Dean was worried he was a bit too bold. Cas seemed like a bit of a slow mover in terms of relationships.

            _Is it comfy?_ Came the reply about ten minutes later and Dean laughed a bit because he imagined Cas trying to find the perfect response and then agonizing about it before sending it.

            _It’s memory foam. Very comfy._

Cas had no idea how to reply to that. Everything had been going so well up to this point and now the conversation was at a standstill. He replied with a simple _I might have to take you up on that offer then._

            _What are you doing this weekend? I’m sorry if that’s a bit forward, but I’d take you out to dinner first ;)_

This man never failed to surprise him. Dean Winchester used a winky face emoticon. Cas didn’t think he seemed the type. _One dinner is not going to get me into your bed Winchester. At least let me buy you coffee tomorrow._

_Sounds great. Say 7:30?_

_Can we do 8? I’m not much of a morning person_

_Look at us getting to know each other. 8 is fine._

_Okay. see you then._ Cas knew this was probably the end of the conversation, but it was probably for the best since it was almost 10 and he hadn’t showered yet. He took the phone into his en-suite and left it on the counter while he stripped down. The phone buzzed as he was stepping into the shower and he debated ignoring it until he was clean, but his infatuation with Dean won out and he read the text.

 

            Dean had sent the message out of desperation to keep the conversation going. _You should wear that trench coat_

            _Do you like my trench coat, Dean?_

            _It suits you_

_So do my suits (I’m sorry it was right there)_

_dude, never apologize for bad puns_

_noted. I have to shower now._

With those last five words, Dean was gone. He was picturing this man that he had literally seen for a half an hour three days ago. Naked. And wet. And Dean’s tight jeans were now urging him to get himself in a similar state of undress. He thought about that perfectly messy hair and how the water would flatten it against his head. He imagined what Cas’s nipples looked like, conjured up the muscles that the button-up shirt had only hinted at.

            He palmed at himself as he worked his way down the imaginary form of Cas. When he reached his cock, Dean tried not to imagine too much detail; he didn’t want to compare his fantasy to the real life entity if he got to see it.

            He gripped himself tight and started pumping as he switched to imagining various ways Cas could take him in a shower: chest slammed against the tile wall, a leg hitched over Cas’s hip as they kissed, Cas holding all his weight while he bounced on his dick, bent over almost double while Cas held his hips to keep him from sliding while he fucked Dean hard.

            Dean came hot and sticky over his hand as his phone buzzed. He felt a bit guilty jacking off to fantasies of a man he’d just met, but Cas basically told him he was getting naked, and Dean didn’t care that something like that shouldn’t make him so horny. After Dean recovered enough, he went to his bathroom and cleaned himself off before putting on some clean boxers, crawling under the covers and finally reading the text on his phone.

            _I’m clean now, but I also happen to have a date fairly early in the morning, so I must sleep. Good night Dean._ Dean didn’t reply; he knew he didn’t have to. He turned his bedside light off, tucked his phone under his pillow and fell asleep thinking that he would have to try something new at the coffee shop tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

            Cas woke up sweating. It was unseasonably warm for mid-September but god help him he was going to wear the trench coat. He got dressed, ensured that he had everything in his briefcase and headed out to the city.

            When he pulled up to the coffee shop, it was exactly 7:45. He parked next to a gorgeous old Impala and decided he had enough time to check it out. He wasn’t much of a car guy, but he could tell the make and model of some of his favorite cars.

            “You like her?” a voice came from behind him. He turned around to find himself less than a foot from Dean.

            “Is this your car?” He asked.

            “Yup, this is my baby,” he slid his hand along the hood, “Built her from the bottom up.”

            “She’s gorgeous.”

            “I’ll take you for a ride sometime, but for now, you owe me coffee.”

            Dean led the way into the shop and Cas noted he had a muffin in his hand. “When did you get here?”

            “About ten minutes ago. I didn’t have good food at my place so I figured I’d get some breakfast while I waited for you.”

            They ordered their coffee, Cas paid and they found a table near a window. “What did you do this weekend?” Dean asked.

            “Not much actually,” Cas said, sipping his coffee, “Read mostly, did some yard work and had my weekly dinner with Gabriel.”

            “You say that like it’s a painful obligation.” Dean shoved a good chunk of his muffin onto his mouth.

            “In a way, it is. Gabe is a lot to handle and he teases me a lot.”

            “I can’t imagine anything he could pick on you for.”

            “You don’t know me and you don’t know Gabe.”

            “Okay, tell me one thing he picks on you for.”

            “This isn’t really a first date conversation,” Cas hedged, avoiding the topic.

            “Well, good thing I consider this our second date. Come on, I’m sure it’s nothing too bad.”

            “Well, this week, it was a lot about my being gay. I think Gabriel uses humor to mask the fact that he’s secretly uncomfortable with it.”

            Cas seemed sad about that, so Dean reached out and placed his hand on the other man’s. “Is he older or younger?”

            “Older,”

            “Well, brothers are always a pain in the ass, and older brothers tend to think they know best, but I’m sure he doesn’t mean any real harm.”

            “I know,” There was a slight pause and Cas removed his hand from under Dean’s. “Tell me about your brother.”

            “Smartest guy I’ve ever met; and not even just book smart. He’s a real people person, which makes perfect sense if he’s gonna be a lawyer. Oh, and he’s the size of a moose and he needs a haircut.”

            “Sounds like a good kid.”

            “He really is. He’s got this pretty little girlfriend over at Stanford and he’s planning on proposing. I always knew he’d get married before me, but I didn’t think it’d be this soon.”

            “You’re lucky your brother has his life together. Gabe just does odd jobs and barely makes ends meet half the time. I tried to convince him to get a steady job, but he claims he’d get too bored.”

            They began talking about their jobs and Cas learned that Dean had been working at his uncle Bobby’s garage since he was 16. Dean learned that Cas had gone to school in the city and was offered a job by a guest lecturer who had made an impression on him.

            “What made you want to get into accounting in the first place?” Dean asked.

            “I like numbers. There’s an elegance to putting all these figures on paper and having them mean something. To me, math is the human representation of the order of nature. There’s nothing superfluous or extra; everything has a place, every symbol has a function and everything works together to create something that, in my mind, is beautiful.”

            “Wow,” Dean said, “you have quite the way with words.”

            “Why did you decide to be a mechanic?” Cas asked, avoiding the compliment.

            “At first it was because it was the easiest place for me to get a job and it paid more than minimum wage, but as I learned more about Cars and worked on more of them, I just kind of fell in love with the peacefulness of it all. When I’m under a hood that’s all I’m focused on and it never gets boring because every car that comes in has a different problem.”

            They continued talking until Dean’s phone let out a high pitched repetitive beeping.

            “I gotta get to work, I’m guessing you do too, huh?”

            Cas checked his watch, “yup.” they had managed to pass an hour talking. They took their trash and threw it in a bin on the way out the door.

            “Could I buy you coffee tomorrow?” Dean asked as they stood outside the shop, not quite ready to part ways.

            “I’d like that. Same time?”

            “Sure.” Dean leaned in a placed a small peck on Cas’s cheek. “I’ll call you tonight.”

            “Okay. Goodbye, Dean.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly fluff and smut, so enjoy

            The rest of the week passed in a similar way; they’d get coffee in the morning, talk until they had to go to work, never parting with more than a peck on the cheek. When Dean got off work he would call Cas and they would talk while they ate dinner. Dean would move to his bedroom and Cas would sit in his living room and they’d talk until Cas had to shower. It was a comfortable routine and Cas felt himself falling for Dean. He’d think about him at work and the guy in the cubicle next to him would ask him what he was smiling about. He’s think about him in the shower and forget that he had already shampooed his hair.

            Saturday came and Cas spent the day trying to decide what to wear. He was turning into a walking cliché and it was all Dean Winchester’s fault. They had decided to meet each other at the Italian restaurant Dean had suggested. Their reservations (Dean had actually made reservations!) were at six, so they planned to get there at quarter to. Cas left with enough time to stop and pick up a single carnation. He wasn’t sure if Dean was the type of guy who liked flowers, but he figured he’d try.

            Cas parked at the restaurant, and passed the Impala on his way across the parking lot. He wasn’t surprised though; Dean was always early.

            He walked in and saw Dean sitting at the bar. He walked up to him as quietly as he could and slid the flower in front of his face. Dean turned on the stool and smiled at Cas. “Just one?” he asked, taking the carnation, “I’m disappointed in you, Novak.”

            “I wasn’t sure if you liked flowers,” Cas said, almost blushing.

            “I love it.” Dean said, pulling Cas in for a hug. Cas stilled for a moment before hugging Dean back. It was the first time they’d hugged and Cas felt so good in Dean’s arms he almost didn’t want to let him go. Dean pulled away first. “Can I get you a drink while we wait?”

            “Sure, uh, whatever you’re having.”

            Dean signaled the bartender to bring another beer and Cas took the seat next to Dean. “How’s your day been?” Dean asked, setting the flower down next to his beer.

            “Not too bad,” Cas said. He sipped his beer and almost spat it out. “That is disgusting,” he pointed accusingly to the drink.

            “You could have said you’re not a beer drinker,” Dean finished the last of his own beer and slid Cas’s toward him.

            “I normally am, but I’m not entirely sure you can call that beer.”

            “Hey, don’t knock my beer.” Dean downed half the glass as if to prove his point and asked Cas what he would prefer.

            “I think maybe just a coke.”

            The bar tender placed the soda in front of Cas just as the hostess called for their reservation.

            Dinner passed in much the same way their coffee dates had. Dean had ordered parmesan chicken and Cas had some three cheese tortellini. About half way through dinner, Dean began a game of footsie and Cas didn’t stop him.

            When they had finished their meal and decided that they were both too full for desert, Dean paid the bill and leaned into Cas. “So, you wanna come test my mattress now?”

            A light blush spread across Cas’s cheeks. “I think I would.”

            “Okay, do you wanna follow me?”

            “Sure.”

            The waitress returned with Dean’s receipt and the men left the restaurant.

 

            Cas followed Dean to an old but well kept apartment building. They got out of their cars and Dean led the way to his apartment, taking Cas’s hand without a second thought.

            “This is home,” he said as he opened the door to the small apartment.

            Cas looked around “Very you,” he observed.

            “You can snoop tomorrow,” Dean whispered in his ear, “the bedroom’s this way.” and he dragged Cas down the hall. Dean laid Cas down on the bed, cupped his jaw with his hand and kissed him softly on the lips. “How’s the bed?”

            “Amazing,” Cas panted, reaching up and pulling Dean in for another kiss. They kissed slow and sweet for a long time, Dean hovering just above Cas’s body. When Dean teased Cas’s lips with his tongue, the man below him responded enthusiastically.

            “You taste wonderful,” Dean said, moving his lips to Cas’s neck.

            “I taste like Italian food,” Cas laughed.

            “I didn’t see you spill anything here, so this is all you.”

            Cas ran his hands over Dean’s back and down his sides slowly, feeling the muscles there. He ran his fingers through his hair, down over his chest and abdomen. Dean leaned his head against Cas’s. “We don’t have to go any further than this tonight, Cas,” He said, staring into deep blue eyes, “Or ever,” he added, “just say the word and we can stop.”

            “Dean, I don’t want to stop. I don’t normally move this fast, but with you, it feels right.”

            “Are you clean?” He asked, knowing he probably should have asked earlier.

            “Yup. You?”

            “As a whistle.”

            “Okay,”

            Dean kissed Cas passionately and began to unbutton his shirt. Cas’s hands were scrambling on his chest attempting to do the same. Soon, Cas was naked and Dean’s shirt was off. Dean was in awe of Cas’s body. “You” he pressed a kiss to Cas’s left nipple, “Are” his belly button, “beautiful,” his pubic bone.

            Cas moaned when Dean ran his tongue along the shaft and swirled it around the head. He placed light kisses all over Cas’s member, sucked at his balls and _finally_ took him in his mouth as fully as he could. Cas was panting and whimpering under Dean’s skilled mouth and when he added his hand, Cas choked out a “please.”

            “Please what, Cas,” Dean said, giving Cas a slight reprieve from the torture.

            “I need to cum… _please._ ” The last word was drawn out and Dean resumed his work, pumping his hand fast while his tongue teased and swirled. Cas came with Dean’s name on his lips and Dean swallowed everything down.

            Dean crawled back up Cas’s body, planting kisses as he went. “Amazing,” Dean whispered as he kissed Cas’s cheek.

            “You were,” Cas said, not quite able to form complete sentences yet. “You didn’t.”

            “It’s okay, Cas,” Dean said, nuzzling Cas’s neck, careful not to let his erection touch anything.

            “It’s not good to stay like that,” Cas was getting sleepy but at least he was talking like an adult now.

            “I’ll take care of it. I need to shower anyway.”

            “I want to,” Cas said.

            “Next time, okay? You’re too tired. How long has it been since you came?”

            “Um…about a year and a half.”

            “No wonder you’re so worn out. You need to take care of yourself more often, Cas.”

            “I try,” Cas yawned, “but it just never seems to work.”

            “Well, we’ll work on that. You go to sleep, I’m going to shower.” He kissed Cas on the lips and climbed off the bed.

            Cas crawled under the blankets when he heard the water running, snuggling into the smell of Dean that lingered on the pillow. He was starting to drift off when he heard his name moaned from the bathroom accompanied by a few bottles hitting the shower floor.

 

            Dean had come fast, but he knew he would. He cleaned himself quickly, dried off and slipped on a clean pair of boxers before returning to the bedroom.

            He took a moment to look at Cas in his bed. He seemed so peaceful there and Dean wanted to share that peace more than anything. “Quit staring and come to bed,” Cas murmured. Dean obliged, crawling under the covers on the other side and sliding an arm around Cas.

            “This is nice,” he observed.

            “Yeah,” Cas said. After a few moments of silence he admitted that he had been nervous. “You know, I was afraid I wouldn’t cum for you,” it was a whisper against Dean’s shoulder.

            “I wouldn’t have cared,” Dean said firmly but quietly. “You could never disappoint me.”

            “That’s a bold statement when you’ve only known me a week.”

            “But it’s been a hell of a week.”

            Neither of them said anything after that, lost in their own minds as they drifted off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So sorry, I forgot to upload yesterday (not that anyone seems to care...)

            Cas woke up in a strange bed. Alone. “Dean?”  He called out, not quite ready to leave the bed.

            “Just a second,” Dean called back. Cas propped the pillow against the headboard, stretching as he pulled himself into a seated position. Dean came in a few minutes later. He was fully dressed and greeted Cas with a kiss. “Good morning, angel.”

            “Good morning,” Cas smiled at the pet name.

            “I made breakfast. Get dressed and come eat.”

            “I’d rather you came back to bed.”

            “I make some damn good pancakes, Cas.”

            “Fine, but there better be coffee.”

            “There is,” Dean laughed and left the room.

            When Cas managed to find his clothes and put them on, he stepped into the hall. He was about to ask Dean where the bathroom was when he saw it through the open door to his right.

            “Well, I at least look human,” Cas said as he shuffled into the kitchen. He noticed the carnation in a novelty cup on the counter. “You don’t have a vase?”

            “Never really needed one,” Dean placed a cup of coffee next to each of the plates on the table and gestured for Cas to sit down with him. “Also, I think I may have broken the poor thing last night. I must have thrown it in the heat of the moment. I found it part way under the fridge.”

            “Poor thing. Remind me to get you sturdier flowers next time.”

            “So there’s going to be a next time?”

            “If you like,” Cas forked some pancake into his mouth. “Oh my god, these are the best pancakes I’ve ever had.” He said with his mouth still full.

            “I told you,” Dean said, more than a bit pleased with himself.

            “So, do you have any plans today?” Cas asked between bites.

            “Not really. I was thinking about watching Braveheart since I haven’t seen it in a while. You could stay if you wanted.”

            “As wonderful as that sounds, I promised Gabriel a roast this week and it has to sit in the slow cooker for six hours.”

            “That’s alright,” there was a slight pause as Dean ate the last of his pancakes. “I had a great time last night.”

            “Me too. I’ve enjoyed all the time we’ve spent together.”

            “You should come for dinner tomorrow when you’re done with work. I have off, so I could make something really good.”

            “I’d love to.” Cas had finished his pancakes and he offered to help with the dishes.

            “Don’t worry about it. You should get going, it’s almost 11.”

            “Okay. Goodbye, Dean,” Cas pecked Dean’s lips a few time before Dean pulled him in for a long, sweet kiss.

            “Goodbye Cas.”

            As Cas Left Dean’s apartment, he was filled with a sense of contentment that he hadn’t felt in a long time. It was the feeling of knowing there was someone who liked him, it was the hint of a future where he wouldn’t grow old alone in his suburban house that was too big for him, and it was the warmth in his chest that he knew was slowly searing Dean’s name onto his heart.

 

            His good mood lasted until Gabriel came over for dinner. “Where were you last night?” he asked, practically waltzing through the sliding doors to the back yard.

            “A simple ‘hello’ would suffice,” Cas said, pulling the roast out of the slow cooker and plating it.

            “Hello, Castiel,” Gabriel snarked, pulling a beer from the fridge.

            “Hello, Gabriel. And to answer your question, I had a date.” He said it mater-of-fact-ly but couldn’t help the smile that played on his lips.

            “And you spent the night?”

            “For your information, yes,” Castiel practically slammed the roast on the table, setting the bowl of potatoes down more softly.

            “He must be special if he got you in bed after one date.”

            “It was really more like one date and 5 half-dates.”

            “Half dates?”

            “Coffee…every morning this week.” Cas grabbed plates, forks and a beer for himself before sitting down across from Gabriel.

            “I don’t know why you waste your time with men. They just break your heart, and it’s not like you can even get married.”

            “I can in some states. One state over in fact. I don’t like girls, I’ve never liked girls, I never will like girls, and I refuse to sit here and take your hetero-normative crap anymore.”

            “Hey, sorry,” Gabriel said, putting his hands up in surrender, “I’ve just seen you hurt by too many guys, half of whom left you for women.”

            “Half is 2 people, Gabe,” Cas sounded more exhausted than angry and Gabriel decided to count it as a victory. Cas realized that he didn’t know if Dean was gay or bi (he could even be pansexual for all he knew).

            They ate in silence for a while until Cas decided to turn the tables. “So, is there someone special in your life or are you still putting your genitals into questionable places?”

            “First of all, these ‘questionable places’ you’re referring to belong to porn stars and I’m getting paid for it, so yeah, I’m still doing that once in a while. As for someone special, no one has quite captured my attention yet.”

            “Are you ever going to settle down?”

            “Maybe, but I’m too young to be thinking about that.”

            “I’m younger than you and I’m thinking about it.”

            “That’s because you’re a girl. Anyway, this mystery guy have a name?”

            “His name’s Dean and I’d appreciate it if you held off on the third degree until we’ve actually dated for a while okay?”

            “Fine. Good roast by the way.”

            “Took six hours,” Cas said, grateful for the change in topic. “That’s what makes it so tender.”

            “You got dad’s cooking skills, I got his good looks. I’d say that’s pretty fair.”

            Cas could tell Gabriel was trying to lighten the mood, so he let him. Most of the time he did enjoy his dinners with Gabe, but there were always tense moments. The rest of the evening was quite pleasant and when Gabriel left he took half the leftover roast with him, giving Cas a slap on the back as he slid out the back door.

            Castiel closed the door after him, watching his brother walk through the gate into his own back yard. He washed the dishes, leaving them in the drain pan instead of drying them because he had a sudden urge to Call Dean.

            “Hey, Cas. What’s up?”

            “Dean, are you gay or bisexual?”

            “I’m bi. Is that a problem?”

            “No, it’s just…I really shouldn’t be telling you this.”

            “Cas, it’s okay. You can tell me anything.”

            “There have been four people in my life that I’ve loved and two of them left me for women. It hurt because both of them claimed that they saw no future for a relationship with another man. They wanted to get married someday and couldn’t see past the legalities. I want to make sure you can before we go any farther with whatever it is we have.”

            “Cas, I don’t know how I’m going to feel tomorrow or a week from now, let alone years down the road. I can’t promise you that I’ll never hurt you, but I will try my damnedest not to. As far as marriage goes, I don’t give a shit about legal. If I decide to pledge my life to someone, I’m not going to let a fucking ceremony get in the way.”

            “Thank you, Dean. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. I appreciate your honesty.”

            “Cas, I don’t care that you’re broken. Everyone’s broken in some way. It doesn’t make them any less wonderful.”

            “You think I’m wonderful?” Cas asked, smiling.

            “Of course.”

            “You’re pretty wonderful yourself, Dean Winchester.”


	6. Chapter 6

            The next day, Cas had his coffee alone at what had sort-of become his and Dean’s table. He had hoped the other man would show up, but he really couldn’t blame him for wanting to sleep in on his day off.

            He couldn’t help a stupid smile most of the day. He was in such a good mood that he decided to take his lunch on the roof despite it being October. He was a bit chilled in his trench coat, but the sun was shining and the leaves were falling from the trees in the courtyard below his perch and he was happy.

            As he ate his sandwich, he thought about Dean. He knew they were moving too fast, but he also trusted Dean; hell, he brought up marriage last night and Dean hadn’t freaked out. He thought about all the people in his life that had hurt him. He knew he should tell Dean about all of them, but he decided to wait until it came up in conversation somehow.

            He trudged his way through the rest of his day, and when he drove to Dean’s, he had to try hard not to speed. He decided against getting Dean more flowers.

            When Dean let him into the apartment, he was greeted with a small kiss and the smell of jalapenos and bacon. “Smells great,”

            “Wait until you taste it,” Dean teased.

            They went into the kitchen and ate the most delicious bacon cheeseburgers Cas had ever eaten. The dinner conversation focused on what they had done with their day.

            “Sam called me, which is always nice. He proposed this weekend and, of course, she said yes.”

            “That’s great,” Cas said, genuinely happy for this couple he had never met.

            “Do you want to see the picture he sent me?”

            “Sure,” Den pulled out his phone and brought up the picture before passing it to Cas. There was a young man with shaggy hair, his arm around a small blonde girl who was holding her left hand just below her face.

            “They look really happy,” Cas said passing the phone back to Dean.

            “I might have to take a flight to California for the wedding, but it’s worth it.”

 

            When they finished dinner, they did the dishes together and Dean suggested that they listen to AC/DC “since we didn’t this weekend.”

            “Sounds good,” Cas said as they made their way to the bedroom. Cas sat on the bed as Dean turned the music on. “Relax,” Dean urged, flopping down with his head at the foot of the bed. Cas laid down the opposite direction.

            The two stayed in silence for a while, just enjoying the music together. At some point, their fingers intertwined and their eyes had drifted closed. About halfway through the album, Dean broke the silence.

            “I’m broken too.” Cas let Dean continue at his own pace. “I’ve been hurt, I’ve been abused, I’ve dealt with shit no one should ever have to experience. Most of the time, I think I’ve moved on, but there are days when everything comes back and slaps me in the face. I won’t want to talk about the details often, if ever, but you need to at least know that I have some issues that I’ll always be working through.”

            “As do I. I think as long as we agree now to accept these issues and not push each other too much to talk about them, we’ll be okay.”

            “For the time being, that sounds like a good plan.”

 

            Things went really well for the next month or so. When they both worked, they’d get coffee together, they would go on a longer date every Saturday, and Sunday morning Dean would make breakfast. Cas would stay as late as he could while still getting home in time for dinner with Gabriel.

            Physically, they never went farther than blow jobs; Cas always insisted that Dean get off first to avoid another situation like the first time. They didn’t fight, and meaningful conversations were always happy.

            They talked on the phone less often at night, but texted each other during the day. When they did talk on the phone, it was short and filled with lengthy silences.

            “Dean, why do you call when you don’t have anything to say?” Cas asked one night, trying not to let his annoyance into his voice.

            “I miss you and I want to hear your voice.”

            “You text me non-stop all day; how can you miss me?”

            “I don’t know, Cas, I just do.”

            “Is this one of your things?” Cas asked, his voice softening.

            “Shrink says it’s abandonment issues,” Dean laughed, but there was no humor in it.

            “I see,” Cas said, letting Dean know he was listening without pushing him to talk.

            “It was my dad,” Dean began, “when my mom died, he took it hard. He drank a lot and beat me when I couldn’t take care of Sammy. He left us alone a lot, sometimes for weeks. I never did find out where he went all those times.”

            He said it in spurts, speeding up over the parts Cas assumed were the most painful. “Did you ever feel like it was your fault?”

            “Of course I did,” Dean was almost sobbing now, “when you’re six years old and your old man slaps your face because you gave your brother Lucky Charms instead of a ‘real breakfast’ you take it personally. It took a long time for me accept that I wasn’t a bad care-giver; my dad was.”

            Cas noticed the way Dean used language to distance himself from the abuse. He recognized the way Dean’s voice broke over the last sentence as if the healing implied was not quite done. He wanted nothing more than to hold Dean.

            “Dean, I can’t claim to understand what you went through,” He began, remembering his support group, “But I want you to know that I’m not going anywhere. I have no plans to leave you.”

            “Cas,” Dean took a steadying breath, “your boyfriend is a mess.” It was the first time either of them had used that word, and Cas knew that Dean had said it for a reason.

            “So’s yours.”

            “Who was it for you?”

            “Some days it seems like everyone.”

            “Well, give me the highlights,” Dean’s voice was raw but comforting, “if you want.”

            “My dad kicked me out when I graduated high school because he didn’t approve of my…lifestyle. He didn’t even know I was dating Jimmy or else he probably would have done it sooner.”

            “Jimmy was your first boyfriend?” Dean asked.

            “Yeah.” There was a silence for a few long moments before Cas continued. “When he left for Wesleyan, I thought we could handle the distance, but two weeks into my first year, he decided he didn’t want to try anymore. It didn’t hurt as badly as I thought it would, but I couldn’t talk to him again.”

            “And the two guys who left you for women?” Dean asked cautiously, knowing it was a sore subject.

            “Crowley and Benny; I dated Crowley in college and he dumped me two weeks before graduation. We kept in a touch for a while, but then we had a falling out. I met Benny at a gay bar and we dated for a few months before he called it off. They were pretty standard break ups, and my heart healed after a few weeks of burying myself in my work.” Cas was a lot calmer now and Dean was too. They were both lying on their beds as the silence stretched on for a few minutes. “Dean, I have to shower, but please call anytime you want.”

            “You too, Cas.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I forgot to post on Monday

            That Saturday, they decided to switch things up. Dean took Cas ice skating in the afternoon at an indoor ice rink. Cas had never done it before and Dean was having a lot of fun putting his hands on Cas’s waist to steady him as they slowly made their way around the rink.

            “Dean, you can let go, I think I’ve got it,”

            “If you say so,” Dean laughed and sped off. Cas scrambled for the wall where he stood for a few moments watching Dean turn and jump and cut a figure-eight into the mostly-empty ice. His body was graceful and muscular and Cas was fascinated by it. “I thought you were getting the hang of it,” Dean asked as he skid to a stop next to Cas.

            “You were a little distracting,” Cas laughed.

            “Well, come on, let’s get skating,” he took Cas’s hand and they skated around the rink at a leisurely pace.

            They grabbed dinner to go at a Chinese restaurant a few blocks from Dean’s apartment and ate it on the couch while watching old reruns of Star Trek. When the empty cartons littered the coffee table, Dean slipped his arm around Cas and Cas leaned into the embrace. They stayed like that through the episode and when it was done, Dean turned the TV off and turned to Cas.

            “I have something special planned for tonight,” he said, “but if you get uncomfortable at all, say the word and we’ll stop.”

            “Okay,” Cas was a little nervous as they walked to the bedroom, but he trusted Dean.

            “Remember what I said the first time we were together?” he asked as he closed the door.

            “You said a lot of things,” Cas said, a little breathless because Dean was unbuttoning his shirt.

            “I said we’d work on your problem… Is it still a problem?” He looked in Cas’s eyes, making sure that he hadn’t made a wrong assumption.

            “We’re only together once a week. Trust me, I’ve tried, but yes, it’s still a problem.” He admitted.

            “It’s okay, we’ll work on it.” Dean returned to undressing his boyfriend and then himself. When they were both naked, Dean told Cas to sit on the bed. He straddled his legs and kissed Cas until they were both panting and fully hard.

            “Take our cocks in your hand,” Dean whispered into Cas’s ear.

            Cas took the two pricks in his hand and gasped against Dean’s shoulder.

            “Good,” Dean said, “now I want you to move your hand. Focus on me.”

            He moved his hand, and Dean placed his head against Cas’s, staring into his eyes. “Fuck, Cas,” Dean said as the grip tightened. Dean tried to stay still, wanting Cas to cum at his own hands. He was more vocal than usual, knowing his voice would keep Cas focused on the pleasure and not on orgasm. It was all Dean could do not to kiss him, but if this was going to work, he knew he had to be as hands-off as possible.

            Cas kept a slow, torturous pace and soon, Dean was begging. “Faster, Cas. Please,”

            Cas sped up slowly and by the time he was pumping furiously, Dean was right on the edge. He was trying hard not to cum before Cas but he was so close. “Cum with me Cas,” Dean breathed, and they came together, falling from ecstasy and onto the bed.

            When they had come down, Cas’s arms were around Dean, cum drying between them on their stomachs. “Well, Cas,” Dean said after he regained his breath, “you made yourself cum. How do you feel?”

            “Pretty damn amazing.” Dean chuckled; he still wasn’t used to Cas cussing. “Thank you.”

            “It’s a step, Cas,” he placed a kiss on Cas’s lips, “but you’ll get there.”

            “We should clean off,” Cas observed.

            “Let’s just lay here a bit longer,” Dean said, nuzzling into Cas’s neck.

            “Alright,” Cas yawned, “but if we fall asleep hanging off the bed, you’re giving me a massage tomorrow.”

            “I’d give you one anyway. If you ever want one, just ask. If you ever want anything from me, ask.”

            “Same goes for you. Never be afraid to ask me for anything.”

            “Okay,” Dean sighed.


	8. Chapter 8

            Cas didn’t leave until five the next day. When he kissed Dean goodbye, Dean suggested that he stay the night again. “I understand if you don’t want to drive back after dinner, but I was thinking that you’ve left enough stuff here that you’d really only have to bring a suit for tomorrow.”

            “As much as I love the routine we’ve fallen into, I’m not going to say no to more.” He gave Dean another kiss and promised to call when he was on his way back.

 

            While Dean waited for Cas to get back, he did some housework and ordered a sandwich form Jimmy John’s. He ate his dinner on the couch while watching Phineas and Ferb because nothing else was on.

            He zoned out a bit and was snapped back to attention by his phone ringing. It wasn’t Cas like he expected.

            “Bobby?” He asked, slightly confused.

            “Of course it’s me ya idjit, you’ve got caller ID don’t ya?”

            “What’s up, Bobby?”

            “I just got a call from my friend Rufus. An old army buddy of ours died and the funeral’s on Tuesday. I have to leave early tomorrow to get there on time, so I’m leaving the garage in your hands for the next few days.”

            “You got it Bobby. I’ll be there bright and early to open up.”

            “Thanks, boy. I know I can always trust you.”

            “No problem, Bobby.”

            Dean hung up, worried that he’d have to cut his night with Cas short and that they’d have to skip breakfast in the morning. He decided they would work something out and everything would be fine.

            Cas called around eight, swearing up and down that he’d been trying to get Gabe to leave for the last half hour.

            “It’s okay, Cas,” Dean assured him, “I’ll see you when you get here.”

            “When you get here” ended up being about 45 minutes. Dean was starting to get worried when Cas knocked on the door and stepped inside.

            “I’m sorry it took so long, but I swear I have a good reason.”

            Dean stepped into the front hall and saw Cas standing there with a bouquet of flowers in a glass vase.

            “A good reason indeed,” Dean said taking the vase and carrying it into the kitchen. Cas followed.

            “I haven’t gotten you flowers since our first date. I figured I was due.

            “They’re beautiful, Cas; thank you.” Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and kissed him.

            “So, what do you want to do tonight?” Cas asked, still holding Dean.

            “It’s a little late to start a movie, so I was thinking maybe we could play some cards until bed. Bobby called and I have to work early, but you’re welcome to stay as late as you want in the morning.”

            “And miss getting coffee with you? Not a chance, Winchester.”

            “I love you,” the words were out before Dean could even think to stop them.

            Cas kissed him lightly. “I love you, too, Dean.”

            “So, cards?”

            “Sounds lovely, but you may have to teach me. I only know how to play go fish and crazy eights.”

            Dean taught Cas how to play Shapoo and Cas ended up winning most of the time. Around 10:30, Dean suggested that Cas take a shower.

            “Would you like to join me?” Cas asked, placing his hand on Dean’s thigh.

            “I usually shower in the morning, you know that. Besides, I just want to go to bed.”

            “Okay, you go ahead. I’ll shower and come to bed after.”

            “Don’t be too long, I wouldn’t want to fall asleep without a goodnight kiss.”

            “Well here’s one to tide you over,” Cas kissed Dean slowly. There was no intensity in it, no urgency, just love and caring and peace.

            When Cas pulled away, he rested his head against Dean’s. “Go shower,” Dean said, more of a suggestion than an order. Cas pecked Dean once more on the lips and went into the bathroom.

            As Cas was shampooing his hair, Dean came in and brushed his teeth. Cas didn’t say anything at first, but when he heard Dean pee, he threatened Dean with leaving if he flushed the toilet.

            “Do you know me at all, Cas?” Dean asked, zipping up his fly and washing his hands. “I wasn’t going to flush it on you, but I don’t _really_ think you’d leave.”

            “Dean, don’t you…” There was a flush and then Cas let out a little squeak as the water turned too hot. Dean was laughing as he left the bathroom and Cas muttered “Sexy bastard” under his breath.

            When Cas was done in the shower, he brushed his teeth with the toothbrush Dean had bought him and went to the bedroom.

            Dean was laying on his stomach. Cas crawled into bed and wraped his arm around Dean and kissed him. “Goodnight, Dean. I love you.”

            “Goodnight, Cas, I love you too.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where it gets a little angsty...you were warned

            Around 5:30 am, Cas woke up with the blankets over his head and he started flailing and hyperventilating. When Dean pulled the covers off, Cas was sobbing and shaking. “Cas, what’s wrong, baby?” He placed a hand on his arm and Cas flinched away from him with a whine.

            “Cas, it’s Dean.  I’m not going to hurt you,” but Cas didn’t hear. In his mind he was back in Dick’s apartment.

 

            _Dick was holding the blanket tight over his face and he couldn’t breathe. Just when he thought he was going to die, Dick lifted the blanket and slapped Cas across the face. “You are a man, Castiel, start acting like one.” There was a hard hand down his pants and he felt himself get hard despite the rough treatment. His body had learned not to fight this, had learned to give Dick whatever he wanted so it would be over quickly. “See, you are in the mood,” Dick’s voice was poisonous in his ear. Cas cried through his orgasm and when Dick jacked off into his face, his tears mixed with the cum and he washed them both down the shower drain._

            When Cas finally broke free of the memory, he looked at Dean. He was still shaking and crying, but his breathing was beginning to slow. “What happened, Cas?”

            “It’s called a panic attack, Dean,” Cas explained slowly.

            “I know Cas,” Dean said, slowly placing a hand on top of Cas’s. Cas allowed the touch this time. “What triggered it?”

            “It’s so stupid,” Cas began and Dean cut him off.

            “Cas, it’s not stupid, whatever it was, and I just want to make sure we can avoid it in the future.”

            “It was the blankets,” Cas let out a shaky breath and continued. “Remember how I said there were four people I’ve loved? Well, the one I didn’t mention was Dick. Crowley introduced us…but of course he sided with Dick during the court case.”

            “Court case? Cas, I don’t under…”

            “Dick was abusive. I sent him to jail and got a restraining order, on him and Crowly.”

            “Your falling out,” Dean said, showing that he understood.

            “Yeah. I thought I loved Dick, and I thought he loved me, but then the abuse happened. It was little things at first, like threatening to leave me if I didn’t move in with him, and always wanting to know who I was with and he would text and call me all the time asking what I was doing.”

            “That’s why you didn’t like me calling so much. God, Cas I’m sorry, if I had known…”

            “Dean, you didn’t know, and I understand that you need to call me sometimes. I’m okay with it now.”

            “Okay, but right now, this is about you.”

            “Right, well a lot of the abuse happened in bed, and he would…” Cas’s voice caught in his throat, the memory still raw from the flashback, “He would put the blankets over my face so I couldn’t breathe. It was terrifying, and I almost welcomed the slaps that came when he pulled the blanket down because it meant I was breathing again.”

            Dean opened his arms and Cas fell into them, nuzzling his face into Dean’s shoulder while Dean rubbed his back. “It’s okay, Cas. I’ve got you,” Dean whispered.

            When Cas had stopped shaking, Dean asked if he wanted to try going back to sleep. “I’d rather just get some coffee.” He said, his voice was small and Dean tried not to pity him.

            “Okay, Cas. Let’s get ready and I’ll buy you some coffee.”

            “Just, don’t leave me alone…please?” Cas’s eyes were pleading and Dean knew what it was like to need someone there.

            “Then come shower with me,” Cas seemed a little nervous about it, so Dean ran his thumb over his cheek. “We can just shower, it’s fine.”

            “Okay,” Cas said before following Dean to the bathroom.

            They were both ready by seven. Cas was significantly calmer as they sat on the couch together, fingers intertwined and his head on Dean’s shoulders. Neither of them had said anything since getting in the shower, but it was not an uncomfortable silence. Cas needed to think about things and Dean knew he couldn’t say anything right now that would make things better. Cas watched his thumb as he drew circles on Dean’s fist. “Thank you, Dean.”

            “For what?” Dean asked, looking at Cas as best he could.

            “For not freaking out, for not leaving, for understanding what I needed.”

            “Cas, I love you. That’s what you do for people you love.”

            All Cas could think to say was “I love you.” Since he first said it, it was like he couldn’t say it enough. He wanted to say it every moment he was with Dean and tell everyone he met that he was in love with Dean Winchester.


	10. Chapter 10

            After that night, their routine changed. Cas would stay at Dean’s at least three times a week, usually Friday, Saturday, and Monday. He would often stay over when the weather was too bad to drive home and he was grateful for the suits that had wound up in Dean’s closet. Gabriel had noticed his increased absence from the neighborhood and began to get nosey.

            “So, Cas, when am I going to meet your boyfriend?” He asked one Sunday. It was the first time Gabriel had used the term, and Cas understood the acceptance inherent in this vocabulary change.

            “I’ll talk to him, but I was thinking maybe next week he could just come for dinner with us. No need to mess up your schedule for it.”

            “Sounds great,” Cas didn’t bother mentioning that he was going to ask Dean to spend the night that Saturday anyway. “It’s good to see you so happy,” Gabriel said in one of his rare moments of sincerity.

            “I am happy,” Cas said, “and it scares me a little.”

            “He’s been good for you, Cas, and to be honest I think it’s about time for something good to come into your life.”

            “That’s almost a compliment, coming from you.”

            “Cas, as much crap as I give you, I love you. You’re my little brother.”

            “I know. You’re always there if I need you, and I appreciate it.”

            When Gabriel left, Cas did the dishes and put them away before taking an early shower, dressing in sweat pants and a t-shirt and calling Dean from his bed.

            “Hey, Cas,” Dean answered his phone breathlessly.

            “Are you okay, Dean?” Cas asked, only mildly concerned.

            “Well, you caught me at an…inconvenient time.”

            “What do you mean?” Cas was starting to get confused.

            “I was masturbating, Cas,” Dean said, knowing that being direct was the best way to clear up any confusion.

            “Oh, I’m sorry, Dean. Should I call back later?”

            “I answered the phone for a reason, Cas. I was thinking you could join me.”

            Cas was taken aback. They’d been experimenting a lot at Dean’s and they’d worked on his problem so that he could cum as long as Dean was also jerking himself off. Phone sex was something completely new to Cas though, and he wasn’t sure he’d be any good at it. “Dean, I don’t know if I can, I’ve never…” Dean cut him off.

            “Don’t think so much, Cas. Do you _want_ to?”

            “I do, Dean, I really do.”

            “Then let’s just do it, okay?”

            Cas took a deep breath, “okay.”

            “What are you wearing?”

            “Dean, isn’t that a little cliché?”

            “Just answer the question, Cas. I wanna picture you.”

            “Well I’m in black sweat pants and a grey t-shirt. What are you wearing?”

            “Nothing,” Dean said, his voice low and suggestive. Cas had to swallow before speaking again.

            “I think I might be over dressed,” this brought a giggle from Dean and Cas relaxed.

            “Will you take your clothes off for me, Cas?” Dean asked. It was an actual request rather than an order and Cas appreciated the soft tone.

            “Okay, hold on,” Cas set the phone down and stripped quickly. He was already half-hard with anticipation as he picked the phone back up.

            “Dean?” Cas said.

            “I’m here,” Dean answered, “I want you to get comfortable. Lay down on your bed.”

            “I am. Is this how you are, Dean?”

            “I am. My legs are spread for you, Cas.”

            “What do you want me to do, Dean?”

            “I really want you to fuck me, but since you’re not here, I’ll have to make do with your voice. Have I ever told you how sexy your voice is?”

            “My _voice_?”

            “God, yes. I’m so hard right now, Cas. I was thinking about you, imagining how you’d feel inside of me.”

            “You want me inside of you?” Cas asked.

            “So much, Cas. Are you touching yourself?”

            “No,” Cas said, “how should I?”

            “Touch yourself everywhere,” Dean said, “I want you to trail your hands down your chest and up your legs. Take some time and play with your nipples. I want you to be needy for it before you touch your cock.”

            “Is this what you do?” Cas asked, beginning to explore his body as Dean had suggested.

            “Yes. I tease myself like I tease you. I love it.”

            “Where are your hands now?”

            “One is on the phone, the other has a finger in my ass.”

            Cas moaned at the image. “Just one?” he asked, trailing a finger along his pubic bone.

            “I was just getting started when you called,” Dean seemed smug, “I can handle more.”

            “Then add more, Dean. I want to know what it feels like for you to be stretched around your fist.” It was Dean’s turn to gasp as he added another finger.

            “Cas, I’m going to tell you how many fingers are inside of me, and I want you to use that many fingers as you work your cock for me.”

            “How many now?” Cas said by way of agreement.

            “Two, and I think I need more lube, it’s so tight.”

            “Dean,” Cas sighed as he ran two fingers along his shaft, finally giving him a taste of what he wanted.

            “Hold on, Cas,” Dean said and Cas heard the snap of a cap followed by heavy breathing from Dean. “I’m spreading myself open for you, Cas, making way for another finger. God I wish it were your cock. All Cas could do was moan as he dipped his fingers down to tease his balls.

            “Three,” Dean panted, “God, Cas it hurts so good.”

            “Keep working those fingers, baby. Want your ass stretched wide for me. I bet you look beautiful all splayed open for me like that.” Cas added his thumb, gripping around his erection. “Fuck,” he murmured.

            “I love it when you curse,” Dean said, sounding far too unaffected for Cas’s liking.

            “I know,” Cas said, swiping his thumb over his sensitive head.

            “Jesus fuck,” Dean screamed, “four.”

            “You are so good for me, Dean,” Cas added another finger, only his pinky sticking out.

            “I’m pumping my fingers,” Dean said, “and every time my thumb hits my rim it’s like a shock up my spine. God I wish you were here.”

            “Me too, Dean.” They were silent for a while, listening to the other pant and moan over the phone. Cas knew Dean would take a while to add the last finger and he didn’t mind waiting. He was being driven closer and closer to his climax by his own hand and he reveled in it.

            Dean grunted and it sounded almost painful. “Five,” Dean said, his voice slightly choked. Cas fisted his cock tight and began pumping hard.

            “Dean, curl your fingers up, stroke your prostate for me.”

            “Holy shit…ugh…Cas. I’m so fucking close.”

            “Cum for me, Dean,” Cas said and Dean did with a soft whimper. Cas followed after a few more pumps of his fist. They stayed in silence for a while, coming down from their orgasms.

            “Dean, that was amazing,” Cas said.

            “You were amazing. Do you have any idea how fucking hot you are, Cas?”

            “You weren’t even in the room with me,” Cas observed.

            “I know. I’m proud of you honey. You took control. Maybe next time you can take a little more.”

            “You like it when I’m in control?” Cas asked.

            “Like you wouldn’t believe.”

            “I’ll keep that in mind.”

            “By the way, Cas, was there a reason you called?”

            “Oh, yeah. Gabe wants to meet you, so I was thinking we could do date night here and you could just stay for dinner Sunday.”

            “Sounds wonderful.”

            “See you for coffee tomorrow?”

            “Yup. Goodnight, Cas. I love you.”

            “Love you too.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's a little angsty toward the end, fair warning.

            The next morning at the coffee shop, Cas could swear Anna knew what they had done last night. She smiled at them like they were all in on a secret and even gave Dean a wink when she thought Cas wouldn’t notice.

            “What was that about?” He asked Dean as they took their usual seats.

            “What was what about?” Dean asked, playing dumb.

            “That wink Anna gave you.”

            “Oh,” Dean said, sipping at his coffee, “she’s just happy for us.”

            “Really?” Cas was not convinced.

            “We talk sometimes, when I come in without you,” Dean explained, “and she thinks we’re a really cute couple. That’s it, I swear.”

            “She thinks we’re cute?” Cas smiled and glanced at his cousin, too busy to notice him.

            “Well, we are pretty adorable,” Dean said, nudging Cas’s shin with his foot.

            The finished their coffee and parted ways outside the shop with a kiss.

            Dean drove his baby to Bobby’s shop and parked it by the other employee vehicles. There were three other people today in order to keep up with the extra business the bad weather always brought.

            “Morning Bobby,” Dean said, replacing his coat with coveralls in the break room.

            “Morning, Dean,” Bobby greeted gruffly from his desk, “I want you to finish up that Lumina today.”

            “Will do,” Dean said, grabbing some tools and heading over to the car he had started on Friday. He knew he didn’t have much work left on it, but he also knew there was a line of cars longer than he cared to think about and all of them needed to be done ASAP. Winter was always like this, but it was only December so Dean knew better than to complain; it wasn’t going to change anything anyway.

            By the time lunch rolled around, Dean had finished the Lumina and was about half way done with an older Pontiac. He was tired, sore and covered in grease, but he was smiling as he washed his hands.

            “Why are you so cheerful?” Garth asked, sitting at the old Formica table and pulling a sandwich from his lunch box.

            “Just had a good morning today, and a good night last night, and you know, just a good weekend in general.”

            “Oh really?” Ash said, taking the third seat. “This have to do with your secret lover?”

            “Maybe,” Dean said taking a bite out of his apple.

            “Why the secrecy?” Garth asked, “it’s been months.”

            “You guys really wanna know about my love life?”

            “Yes!” the two said in unison.

            “Fine. I’m in love with a man named Castiel Novak.”

            The two were taken aback. “A man?” Ash asked.

            “Yes, do you have a problem with that?”

            “Not judging,” Garth assured him, “just surprised.”

            “Well I don’t exactly go around screaming that I’m bi.”

            “Well, tell us more about him,” Ash urged.

            “He’s an accountant, which isn’t normally my type, but hey, I don’t have to wear the monkey suit.” He spent the rest of the lunch break telling his coworkers about Cas, and if he was honest, it felt kind of nice to share this part of his life with someone other than his brother for once.

            He ended up finishing the Pontiac and having to order the parts for a PT Cruiser. When he got to his apartment, Cas was sitting in the hall outside his door with a pizza.

            “What are you doing here?” He asked.

            “My car wouldn’t start. Six blocks doesn’t seem very far, but it’s very cold.”

            “Well come on, I’ll warm you up.”

            Dean let Cas into the apartment and went to boil some water for tea. He wasn’t a huge fan of it, but Cas had brought over a box one night and he’d been sure to keep some in the cupboard ever since.

            While Dean microwaved the water and pulled out a tea bag and a pack of hot chocolate, Cas put the pizza on the table and grabbed some plates. Dean helped Cas out of his coat and blazer, running his hands up and down his arms. “So what’d you do with your car?” He asked.

            “I called a tow service. They took it to Singer Auto.”

            “Must have been after I left.” The microwave beeped and Dean left Cas to go make their beverages. When he set them on the table, Cas still hadn’t sat down. “What are you waiting for, Cas, an invitation?”

            “You haven’t kissed me hello yet,” Cas teased.

            “I’m sorry, Baby,” Dean said, stepping as close to Cas as he could without touching him, “how could I forget.” He placed a light kiss on Cas’s lips and then sat down and grabbed some pizza.

            Cas joined him and they ate their pizza while they talked about their day. “I told my coworkers about you,” Dean said.

            “Just now?” Cas asked, more curious than upset.

            “It never really came up,” Dean shrugged. “Do any of your coworkers know about me?”

            “I’m not really close to any of my coworkers. I’m not good at making friends.”

            “So you’ve only told Gabe about me?”

            “Yeah. I mean, I’m pretty sure everyone in the office knows I’m gay, but no one really talks about it.”

            “You need more friends.”

            “Hey, I don’t hear you talk about all the time you spend with your buddies,” Cas was a little more upset than he should be, but he hadn’t had a good day.

            “At least I talk to my coworkers,” Dean snapped.

            “And I’m sure the conversation is just riveting,” Cas muttered.

            “Oh, I wasn’t aware that you thought my conversation skills were boring.”

            “I have to go,” Cas said standing up and walking out of the apartment.

            “Cas, wait,” Dean said, standing and following his boyfriend out the door. He caught up with him in the staircase and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

            “You didn’t do anything, Dean.” Cas still wasn’t looking at him.

            “I started it. I should have never implied that you didn’t have enough friends. As long as you’re happy I shouldn’t judge you.”

            “I’m sorry I called your friends boring,” Cas said. “I never wanted to make you mad. When I noticed what I’d done I freaked out. I didn’t want to make things worse.”

            “Where would you have gone?” Dean asked, “You don’t have a car.”

            “I don’t know. I didn’t think that far ahead.”

            “Cas, your desire for self-preservation is going to get you hurt if this is how you act on it. Please come back. I have something I want to give you.”

            “Could you just take me home instead?”

            “How will you get to work in the morning?”

            “Gabe can bring me…I just need to be alone for a while. It’s not your fault, okay?”

            “Sure, Cas, just let me get my keys.”


	12. Chapter 12

            It took Cas a few days to feel comfortable around Dean again. His car was fixed on Wednesday and he took his lunch break to pick it up.

            “So you’re Cas,” Bobby said, taking his insurance and deductable.

            “Yeah, I have the white civic.”

            As Cas waited for Bobby to clear the payments and get him his keys. Dean came into the waiting area, covered in Grease. They’d texted, just to make sure everything was still okay, but they hadn’t really talked.

            “Hey, Cas,” Dean greeted with a slightly forced smile as he wiped his hands on a rag.

            “Hello, Dean,” Cas said.

            “I fixed your car,” Dean said by way of a conversation starter.

            “Then I’m sure it’ll run better than it ever did.” Cas’s smile was genuine despite his nerves.

            “Come over tonight?” Dean asked quietly, stepping close to Cas.

            “Sure,” Cas agreed. By now they had an audience and Garth started chanting “kiss him, kiss him, kiss him!”

            “Will you shut…” Dean’s protest was cut off by Cas’s lips on his own.

            “I’ve missed you,” Cas murmered.

            “I missed you too.”

            “I hate to break up this chick flick moment,” Bobby said “but I don’t have all day to sit around holding these keys.”

            Cas blushed slightly as he took his keys and insurance information back. “Thank you Bobby, goodbye, Dean.”

            Dean walked to the window to watch as Cas got into his car.

            Cas opened the driver’s side door and noticed a small box on the seat. It was lighter than he’d expected. He took the cover off and sitting inside was a key. Just a key; there was no note, nothing to indicate why it was in Cas’s car or what it was for, but Cas knew. He knew it was to Dean’s apartment and that it was there because Dean didn’t want Cas to have to sit in the hall to wait for him anymore.

            He looked toward the shop, seeing Dean smile through the window. He shook his head indulgently as Dean blew him a kiss and then climbed into the car and drove back to work.

 

            Dean had to put up with Ash’s teasing and Garth’s probing questions for the rest of the day, but it was worth it. Cas hadn’t freaked out about the key. They had survived their first fight, and really, it wasn’t much of a fight.

            Dean ended up staying later than he had anticipated because he wanted to finish a car, and when he walked into his apartment, Cas was there standing in front of the stove and there was a pot of something boiling.

            He walked up behind his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing him on the cheek. “Hi.”

            “Hello, Dean,” Cas said, turning his head to capture Dean’s lips in a longer kiss. “I hope you’re okay with spaghetti. It’s pretty much all I could find.”

            “I love spaghetti,” Dean let go of Cas’s waist and started setting the table. “You want tea, cocoa, or something else?”

            “Tea would be great,” Cas said, stirring the sauce.

            About half way through their meal, during a lull in the conversation, Cas gave Dean a cautious look. “There’s a reason I freaked out the other day.”

            “I figured,” Dean said, setting his fork down. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

            “Dick didn’t really let me have friends,” Cas began. “I asked to have a coworker over for dinner once. He slammed me against the table until I bled. His exact words were ‘you’re not bringing some stranger into our home so they can judge us.’ He choked me until I nodded that I understood. That wasn’t even the worst time, just the first time that comes to mind.”

            “Cas, I’m sorry.”

            “Dean, it wasn’t your fault. And it wasn’t mine. I’ve been trying to make friends, but because of Dick, everyone at work pretty much avoids me and I think my neighbors are a little weirded out by Gabe.”

            “Hey, we’ll go out more. We’ll make friends with people at the coffee shop on the weekends. We’ll go ice skating again. Making friends takes time, and there’s no rush.”

            “Thank you, Dean. Are you done eating?”

            “Yeah, come on,” He stood up and offered Cas his hand. Cas took it and allowed himself to be led to the bedroom.

            Cas was amazed at how Dean knew exactly what he needed. After they removed their clothes, it was all slow kisses, lingering touches, and tight embraces. Dean’s hands ghosted over the scars he had memorized but never mentioned, wondering which ones were caused by Dick and willing them to be smoothed over by his loving caresses.

            Cas rolled them over so that Dean was under him, straddling the other man’s hips while planting worshipful kisses along his jaw. “I love you,” he said as he placed his forehead against Dean’s. “Dean, I love you so much, and it scares me because everyone I’ve loved has left me and I don’t ever want to lose you.”

            “Cas,” Dean sighed, “I love you. I’m not leaving you. I ruin everything that I care about, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to ruin what we have. You told me once that you weren’t going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere either.”

            “Dean,” Cas said, not sure exactly what he wanted to say.

            “It’s okay, Cas. I’ve got you.”

            “Dean, I need…”

            “I know, Cas. Make love to me?”

            “Okay.”

            Dean reached into the bedside table and pulled out the lube he kept there. “Do you wanna stretch me, or do you want me to do it myself?” Dean asked.

            Cas took the bottle without a word and kissed his way down Dean’s body before nestling between his legs. He kissed and sucked lightly at his right thigh. Using his hands to spread Dean’s cheeks he licked one long, slow draw along his crack before lightly flicking his tongue around his hole. “Cas,” Dean moaned as his lover’s tongue penetrated him.

            Cas slowly stretched him, using his fingers and tongue and liberal amounts of lube. He was enjoying watching Dean fall apart at his hands and he knew that Dean was his. Dean loved him and trusted him and as hard as it was for him, he loved and trusted Dean too. He slowly dragged his fingers across Dean’s prostate and received a gasp in return as he pulled his hand free.

            Cas slowly kissed Dean’s cock and then up his torso, settling himself against Dean’s body. “Dean, I love you.” He kissed his lips.

            “I know, Cas,” Dean said, their lips still pressed together. They stared into each other’s eyes as Cas slowly slid into Dean. Tears welled in Cas’s eyes as he bottomed out. “Cas,” Dean said, placing his hands on Cas’s face, “are you okay?”

            “It’s been so long,” Cas admitted, “I haven’t been with a man in this way since Jimmy. Since then, I haven’t topped. It’s never been this calm either. There’s never been so much love in my love making. It’s just a lot to handle right now.”

            Dean kissed the tears that fell onto Cas’s cheeks as he whispered, “It’s okay, Cas. We can stop if you need to. Take all the time you need.”

            Cas laid his head on Dean’s shoulder for a few seconds as he calmed himself. Dean’s tight heat slowly regained his attention and he kissed Dean anywhere his lips could touch as he gave his hips a few tiny rolls. The way Dean’s breathing sped up urged Cas to make his thrusts long and slow as he sucked lightly on Dean’s bottom lip.

            Cas kept up this pace until Dean’s hands were clutching at his back, pulling him closer. Cas slid his arms under Dean and pulled him up until their chests were pressed together and Dean was sitting in his lap. Cas thrust up and the two rocked against each other until they came, each of them sighing the other’s name and clinging to the sweaty body of their lover as they came down from their bliss.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this update was late, it totally slipped my mind yesterday  
> It's all fluff and smut though, so enjoy that :)

            Things were easier between them after that, but harder on Cas. Cas had spent years not thinking about Dick, and now his relationship with Dean made it impossible to ignore, it was always there, just under the surface. Luckily, Dean was understanding.

            Saturday came quickly and Cas had decided to take some of his suits from Dean’s to wash them. “I’ve been washing your clothes for months, Cas, it’s fine.”

            “I haven’t been home since Tuesday,” Cas said, “I’ve been staying in your apartment and eating your food and showing in your bathroom, with your shampoo and conditioner. Just let me do this one thing for myself.” There was so much pain and pleading in his eyes that Dean softened.

            “Of course, Cas. I really didn’t mind, though. It’s nice to feel needed.”

            “And I get that, Dean, but you’re not going to lose me ‘cause I want to do my own laundry. I just can’t be so dependent on you.”

            “It’s okay, Cas,” Dean said, taking him in his arms, “just don’t stop coming over, okay?”

            “You know, you could come over to my place sometimes.”

            “I’m coming over tonight,” Dean reminded him.

            “For the first time, and we’ve been dating for months.”

            “You’ve never invited me over until now.”

            Cas sighed. “I know, and I know your place is more convenient. I’m glad you’re coming over though.”

            “Me too,” Dean kissed Cas lightly and pulled away. “Well, let’s get going.”

            “Where?”

            “It’s a surprise. Trust me, you’ll love it.”

            “Okay, Dean.”

            They took the Impala to a thrift store and Cas gave Dean a questioning look.

            “We’re going to buy some sweaters,” Dean explained as if this was a totally normal sentence for him to be saying.

            “Okay, then,” Cas said as they got out of the car. Cas hadn’t been in a thrift store for years and he was hit with the unique smell as soon as they walked through the door.

            Dean took his hand and dragged him toward a rack of pull-over sweaters. Some of them were horrible and some of them were really large, and others looked like they belonged on a preppy New England school boy. Dean convinced Cas to try on one with snowmen on it and laughed when Cas stepped out of the dressing room.

            “That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen,”

            “It itches,” Cas said simply, trying not to laugh with Dean. Dean pushed him back into the dressing room, closed the door and pulled the sweater over Cas’s head before kissing him hard.

            “We’re in public,” Cas said, not really fighting Dean’s assault on his lips.

            “I know.” Dean backed Cas into the wall and ground their hips together for a few moments. “Don’t want to make a mess, though,” He laughed and pulled away, leaving Cas dumbstruck and half-hard as Dean handed him his shirt. “Let’s go find some decent sweaters.”

            Cas decided on a navy blue sweater with a white snowflake pattern across the chest and Dean went with a black and grey striped one. Dean drove back to his building so Cas could get his car and then followed him into the suburbs.

            When they walked into Cas’s house, the first thing they did was throw the sweaters in the washer with some of Cas’s clothes from Dean’s. Cas made them hot cocoa and some sandwiches as a late lunch and they stood at the island in the kitchen, eating and talking until the washer buzzed.

            When the clothes were all either in the dryer or draped on a drying rack and their dishes were all washed or put away, Dean asked where the bathroom was. While he was occupied, Cas went into his office to get the camera he hadn’t used since Easter. He didn’t have many pictures of Dean, just a few candids he’d taken on his phone. He didn’t have any of them together.

            “What do you got there?” asked a voice from behind him. He smiled as Dean’s arms wrapped around him.

            “Camera,” he said. “I don’t have any pictures of us.”

            “Take one now,” Dean placed his chin on Cas’s shoulder and flashed a wide smile as Cas raised the small point-and-shoot to eye level and snapped a picture.

            “The dryer buzzed,” Dean said, nuzzling Cas’s neck. “Let’s go put our sweaters on.”

            Cas slipped the camera into his pocket and they spent the rest of the day cuddling on the couch drinking more cocoa than was probably healthy, playing silly games like marry, shag, kill and stealing the camera from each other to snap increasingly ridiculous photos.

            “Wanna join me in the shower?” Cas asked, his head nestled in Dean’s lap.

            “Sure.” They went up to Cas’s room and into the shower. “You know I’ve had fantasies about the two of us in a shower since the first night you texted me.” Dean had said it casually, but Cas could feel the desire in the words.

            “Really?” Cas asked, leaning his head back to wet his hair, “care to share the specifics?”

            “They usually involve you pressing me against a tiled wall and fucking my brains out.”

            “And how am I supposed to do that with no lube?”

            Dean stepped closer to Cas so that their chests were touching and lead Cas’s hand behind him and too his ass where it contacted something hard. Cas gripped it and gave it a little tug. “When?” He asked.

            “When I got out of the shower this morning. I should still be slick though. I’ve been controlling myself all day, but I swear to god, Cas, if you don’t fuck me soon I’m going to take care of myself.”

            Cas leaned in to capture Dean’s lips as he pulled out the plug and dropped it on the tile floor. He pushed Dean against the wall and ground against him until they were both rock hard and Dean was whimpering against his lips.

            He lifted Dean up and settled him so he was balanced just above his cock. He slid in slowly. Dean had been right though, he slid in easily. “Fuck, Cas,” Dean said, wrapping his legs around the other man’s waist.

            Cas braced Dean against the wall again and began thrusting in hard and fast. By the time they came, the water was cold and neither of them could quite hold themselves up. “We’ll get clean in the morning,” Dean promised, making sure all the spunk was at least off their stomachs.

            It was all they could do to make it to the bed and they fell asleep curled around each other within minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, this chapter lends itself well to fanart, but I can't draw so if you want to draw some, you can always submit it to me on Tumblr (bullwinklewinchester) and I'll add it to this work.


	14. Chapter 14

            When Gabriel came over the next night, Dean was cooking chili and Cas was setting the table. “Oh thank god,” he said, “I was worried I’d walk in on you two up to something unsavory.”

            “You must be Gabriel,” Dean said, turning from the stove and sending his boyfriend’s brother a smile.

            “Nice to finally meet you, Dean,” Gabe slapped a hand on his back, “Heard so much about you.”

            “Nothing bad, I hope.”

            “Are you kidding? Cassie here adores you. Honestly, it’s like you hung the moon.”

            “Cassie?” Dean smirked a little, earning him a little slap from Cas.

            “What would you two like to drink?” Cas asked, changing the subject.

            “Beer would be great,” Gabriel said and Dean agreed.

            Dinner wound up being a pretty simple meet the family situation and was, Cas thought, blissfully uneventful. Gabriel didn’t bring up embarrassing stories from their childhood and Dean had seemed fine when he learned that Gabriel’s “odd jobs” were porn shoots. Sure, Gabriel got a little too nosey about their sex life, but it was nothing too unexpected, and nothing Dean couldn’t handle.

            About half way through desert (a pie that Gabe had bought from the store) Gabriel turned serious. “What are your intentions with my brother?”

            Dean almost laughed at the way he phrased it. “I love Cas and I have no intentions of leaving him,” he said honestly.

            “If you think loving my brother is going to be easy…” Cas sent Gabriel a warning via a kick to the shin but Dean responded anyway.

            “I know that Cas hasn’t had the easiest life. I haven’t either. I don’t care about Cas’s past and I will do all I can to help him when it comes back to haunt him. I’ve gotten a taste of it already and I’m still here.” He turned his gaze to Cas, “I’m not going anywhere.”

            “Will you two please stop talking about me like I’m not here?” Cas said meekly.

            “Sorry, Cas.” Dean said the words so sincerely that Gabriel was taken aback.

            “Yeah, sorry,” He finally managed. “I should get going.” He stood up and shook Dean’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”

            “Nice to meet you too.”

            Gabriel was almost out the door when he turned back. “Do you have plans for Christmas?”

            “No, actually, it’s not exactly in the budget to fly Sam out this year.”

            “Well, why don’t you join us? Cas makes a hell of a turkey.”

            “I had some of his leftovers from Thanksgiving, I’m sure it’s better fresh.” Dean remembered spending the holiday with Bobby and as much as he cared about him, he didn’t want to encroach on his Christmas with Ellen now that things were getting serious between them. “I’d love to, if that’s okay with Cas.”

            Gabriel and Dean both turned to Cas who said, “Of course I’d love to have you for Christmas.”

            “It’s settled then. See you ‘round Dean-o”

            “Goodbye Gabe,” Dean said.

            “I haven’t even though about Christmas,” Cas admitted.

            “Me either. What is it, the third?

            “Yeah. Is there something specific you would like?”

            “Not really. You?”

            “Dean, you’ve already given me so much, anything material is just going to be icing on the cake.”

            “So what I’m hearing is ‘Dean is such a great boyfriend and I’m sure he can find a wonderful gift for me all on his own’ is that right?”

            “That about sums it up,” Cas laughed and Dean joined him.

            Dean didn’t leave until they went to get coffee the next morning and as they drove their separate vehicles into the city, he thought about how comfortable he had been at Cas’s the past few days and smiled.


	15. Chapter 15

            Christmas Came even more quickly now that Gabriel had brought it up. Dean denied an invitation to spend the night to get his gift and Cas took the free night to do the same. The 20th found Dean at Cas’s all day baking sugar cookie and decorating a ridiculously realistic plastic tree.

            “How do you have so many ornaments?” Dean asked, picking up one featuring the Grinch stealing a wrapped present.

            “Mostly gifts; my family’s never been great at knowing what I’d like so they all tend to take the easy path.”

            “Well, it’s probably good because this tree is huge.”

            “Do you wanna put the angel on top?” Cas asked, wrapping his arms around Dean.

            “I’d love to, but I don’t think I could lift you that high.”

            Cas smiled and nuzzled his face into Dean’s shoulder. “That was really corny,” he pointed out.

            “You love it,” Dean smirked and kissed the side of Cas’s head.

            “I love you, there’s a difference.”

            “I love you too.”

            Dean helped Cas move the presents from his closet to under the tree. It looked a little bare (Dean assumed there were gifts for Gabriel and himself and possibly Anna) and Dean decided to bring his gifts over early. Cas gave him a strange look when he knocked on the door Thursday night with two paper bags full of wrapped boxes.

            “Your tree seemed bare and we both have off tomorrow.”

            “And the next day and the rest of the weekend, as a matter of fact.”

            “Well then, I better make myself comfy.”

            “Coming in out of the cold would be a good start.”

            Dean laughed and pecked Cas on the lips before walking into the living room and kneeling by the tree. “Why do you have so many gifts?” Cas asked, joining him.

            “Well, some are for you, a few are for Gabe, and I even got one for Anna.”

            “Why Anna?”

            “Well, she was kinda responsible for us meeting. Plus, she’s kinda grown on me.”

            “I got her a little something too. We’ll have to catch the end of her shift someday.”

            “Okay,” Dean agreed, taking the last gift from the bag and picking them both up. “Where should I put these?”

            “Leave them in here; we can put wrapping paper in them.”

            The next day, Dean woke up to Cas bringing him breakfast in bed. “Gabe and I used to do this for my parents every Christmas Eve,” He explained, “it’s nice to finally be able to continue the tradition.”

            “Well, it looks great, thank you,” Dean pat the bed next to him, “Join me?”

            Cas crawled under the covers and kissed Dean good morning before they ate the pancakes and bacon on the tray. “I know they’re not as good as yours, but I hope they’ll suffice.”

            “They’re great,” Dean says around a syrupy mouthful.

            They ended up staying in bed until about noon, talking about their old Christmas traditions and their religious upbringings and beliefs. Dean was comforted that Cas has drifted from religion in much the same way he has, both preferring to worship in their own way. “Do you want to go to church tonight?” Cas asked.

            “I haven’t been in so long,” Dean admitted, “and I don’t really want to.”

            “Me either,” Cas agreed, “let’s go get some lunch.”

 

            They spent the afternoon in the kitchen, playing dominos and snacking on cookies and candy. Neither of them felt like cooking, so they ordered in Chinese for dinner and ate it in the living room while watching “A Christmas Story” on TV. “I can’t believe you’ve never seen it,” Dean was incredulous; “It’s a classic!”

            “My family was more into the animated and stop-motion films,” Cas explained.

            When the movie was over and the dinner mess cleaned up, Dean wanted to give Cas one of his presents.

            “I want to give you one of yours too,” Cas said and they went to the tree and found the correct gifts.

            Cas handed Dean a small box that fit easily in his palm and Dean gave Cas a flat rectangular package that Cas assumed was a shirt box. “You first,” Cas said.

            Dean took the paper off the small box and tossed it in one of the paper bags before taking the top off. It was a key. “Cas,” Dean said, taken by surprise, “thank you. I know how much trust this takes.”

            “I do trust you, Dean, and I want you to come over more often.”

            “Well now my gift seems crass,” Dean chuckled and Cas’s curiosity got the better of him. He removed the paper in a quick motion and took the top off the shirt box. He was shocked and confused by what he found.

            There was a blank white DVD case, a stack of small rectangular paper and three glossy photos. The confusion must have shown on his face because Dean launched into an explanation.

            “We haven’t worked on your problem in a while, and I wanted you to know I haven’t given up on my promise. The DVD is a video of me jerking off. There are some pictures of me that Ash has promised never to mention or even think about, and I made you some sexy coupons. I know it’s not much, but…” he trailed off and watched as Cas read through the coupons and looked at the pictures—Dean in silk boxers leaning against the door of his room, Dean totally nude on his bed, and Dean in the kitchen, shirtless in blue jeans, a flower between his teeth.

            “Thank you, Dean. I love it.”

            “Good,” Dean said.

            “In fact, I want to use this now,” He pulled a coupon free of the homemade booklet and handed it to Dean.

            “You wanna watch porn on Christmas Eve?” Dean was shocked.

            “Yes,” Cas said, taking the DVD from the box and leading Dean to the couch, “especially if it’s with you.”


	16. Chapter 16

            Dean sat on the couch and watched as Cas leaned over to put the disc into the player. Cas sat next to him and hit play on the remote.

            It was weird to see himself on screen, sprawled out on the bed naked and already hard. Cas’s breathing increased as Dean touched himself everywhere but where he was aching for it and Cas knew just how much Dean loved that.

            The Dean on the couch was starting to get hard and Cas noticed him shift in the seat. When screen Dean ran a tentative finger along his shaft, Cas groaned and palmed himself through his jeans.

            Dean moved so he was on his knees turned toward Cas. He whispered in his ear, “Let me,” before moving his hand down and releasing Cas’s cock from his pants. Cas was lost, the overload of watching Dean pleasure himself, hand slick and sure on his own dick, fingers occasionally dipping down to tease his hole, all while Dean’s actual hand was doing very interesting things to his over-sensitive member was too much to bear.

            While Dean was stroking Cas, his lips were busy kissing and biting and sucking any bit of skin he could get at. He was rutting against Cas’s side, trying to relieve some of the delicious, aching hardness in his pants.

            The Dean on the TV had grabbed a bottle of lube and was slicking it along his crack, rubbing it generously over his hole. “Look at yourself, Dean,” Cas said and Dean turned his head to follow the almost-order, hand slowing only slightly at the sight. He was spreading himself for Cas, panting and groaning as he added more fingers. “You’re beautiful, Dean Winchester, and you did this all for me. I wonder what was going through that creative little mind of yours.”

            “You, always you,” Dean whispered, placing a small kiss on Cas’s cheek before picking up the pace of his hand and resuming his small thrusts against Cas’s hip. “I love you so much, Cas, so freaking much.”

            Cas’s voice was strangled as he replied, “Love you too, Dean,” and then Dean started pumping with abandon, knowing that the film version of himself was close. Dean’s name was a mantra on Cas’s lips and when Cas saw Dean come over his stomach, his name on his lover’s lips, he reached his own climax with a groan.

            The screen went black and Cas’s breathing slowed, turning into a sleepy yawn. “Wow,” was all he could say.

            “Glad you liked it,” Dean laughed.

            “Dean,” Cas asked, “why in the side of my shirt wet?”

            “Um…that would be my fault. Sorry.”

            Cas turned to look at Dean and the intensity of lust behind those eyes was enough to level a house. “Never apologize for cumming, Dean, especially when you didn’t even touch yourself. God, you’re so sexy and you have no idea.”

            “Oh, I have some idea,” Dean laughed and looked at the clock on the cable box. “We should get to bed. Also, Merry Christmas.”

            “Merry Christmas, Dean.”

 

 

            The next day Cas’s alarm blared them awake at the ungodly hour of six AM, but they had promised Gabriel cinnamon rolls when he arrived at eight and they both had to shower. By the time they were dressed in matching sweaters and blue jeans, they were a little more awake but in desperate need of coffee.

            When Gabriel slid open the back door, the cinnamon rolls were on the table, Dean was pulling the plate of sausage from the microwave and Cas was finishing up the scrambled eggs. “Merry Christmas!” He greeted them rather loudly and when Dean turned from the microwave to wish him the same, he burst out laughing. Gabriel was wearing a baggy sweat shirt with appliqué reindeer on it and a Santa hat on his head.

            “Don’t laugh, Dean-o, or I’ll make you be my elf.”

            “Be nice, you too,” Cas laughed as he brought the eggs over to the table.

            The three men stuffed themselves and then adjourned to the living room where Gabriel insisted on giving them their gifts first.

            “You have to open them in order,” Gabe explained, handing a large box to Cas. When the paper was removed, Cas had a cotton candy maker on his lap.

            “Uh…thanks, Gabe,” Cas said, more confused than anything else.

            “Wait until you see the rest of them,” Gabe said, handing dean a small, squishy package which turned out to be three packs of flavored sugar.

            “Makes sense,” Dean shrugged. “Thanks.”

            “Okay, now you both need to open this one together,” Gabriel held out a long, narrow box between them. They each took an end and ripped of the paper. Cas almost choked when he saw what it was. Dean laughed.

            “What, do you expect us to put cotton candy on the dildo, Gabe?”

            “That’s the plan,” Gabriel laughed, “oh, come off it, Cas. I got you a real gift too.”  He handed his brother a flat rectangular gift and when Cas removed the paper, he saw an 8X10 version of himself and Dean staring back at him. “That is the first one you took together, right?” He asked, “Cause it was the first one on your Facebook.”

            “It is. Thank you Gabe, I love it.”

            Dean leaned over to see the framed picture. “You better hang that up,” he said, “I look good.”

            “Okay,” Gabriel said, bouncing like a little kid, “my turn!”

            Cas gave Gabe his gifts first: a box of assorted chocolates from a gourmet candy store, a box set of a TV show he had liked as a kid, and a black button up shirt. “Is this your way of telling me I need to dress better?” he asked,

            “I just thought it would look nice on you. And it was on sale.”

            Gabriel laughed, “fair enough.”

            Dean found his small stack of gifts for Gabriel under the tree and set them in front of him. Gabriel seemed surprised that Dean had gotten him so many, but it quickly passed as he opened the top one. It was an AC/DC CD. “Dude, AC/DC rules!”

            “I know, and Cas mentioned you didn’t have this one.”

            “Thanks, Dean.”

            “Keep opening,”

            Gabriel did and ended up unwrapping a giant lollipop (cleverly hidden in a shoe box), a pair of socks with rubber ducks on them, and a book of candy recipes.

            “Okay, lovebirds,” Gabriel taunted, “I’m just going to sit here and try not to gag over you two getting all schmoopy.”

            “We did schmoopy last night,” Dean said, “so no worries.”

            But, it turned out Gabriel did have to deal with some affection. Cas had gotten Dean pajama pants and a toothbrush to keep at his house, silk boxers, an adaptor to let him play his mp3 player through the tape deck of the Impala and a mug with his name on it.

            “I figured you could keep it here, but if you wanna keep it at your place, that’s fine.”

            “I’d like to keep it here.” Dean leaned in and kissed Cas. “Thank you, for everything.”

            “Do I get my presents now?” Cas teased. Gabriel barely contained a groan.

            “I think you better be quick about it,” Dean smiled, “Gabe’s getting impatient.”

            Dean slid the gifts for Cas from under the tree and smiled as he watched Cas open a mixed CD (half love songs and half songs about sex), a blue tie (“I couldn’t believe you didn’t have one; you know how great it’ll look with your eyes?”), a mystery novel (which he was glad to find out Cas hadn’t read yet), and finally a scrapbook.

            “It’s kinda cheesy, I know,” Dean said as Cas flipped through it. “It’s mostly receipts, but there are some pictures and other little things from stuff we’ve done together.”

            “Is this the flower I got you on our first date?”

            “Yeah, I was saving it, but when I got the idea to make this scrapbook, I decided I had to put it in.”

            “Dean, I don’t know what to say. This is so sweet.”

            “And there’s plenty of room to add more.”

            Gabriel made some retching sounds and Cas glared at him. “Way to ruin the moment, Gabe.”

            “It’s what I do,” Gabriel smirked. “Now, where did you stash the cookies?”

            “They’re on the counter, but I don’t see how you can eat any, I’m still stuffed from breakfast.” Dean answered

            “Never underestimate Gabe’s ability to cram sugar into his body,” Cas said, getting off the floor and moving to the couch. The three men spent the rest of the day happily watching Christmas movies and talking about what they’d gotten for other people.

            “I sent Sam a few books I found on Amazon and Jess got a gift card to what Sam assures me is her favorite clothing store. I also got Anna a hemp bracelet with a charm shaped like angel wings.”

            “I got Anna a gift certificate toward her next tattoo.” Cas said, “she’s been saving for a while.”

            “Well I didn’t get her anything. Anna never got me a date,” Gabriel pouted just a bit too dramatically and Dean laughed.

            “Is there someone special you’re giving a gift to?” Dean asked.

            “Well, I already gave my coworkers their horrendously inappropriate holiday cards, but I also have necklace I plan to give to the receptionist at the studio. Her name’s Kali and we’ve been flirting a bit. I just hope it’s not too much.”

            “Gabriel, everything with you is too much,” Cas laughed and then added, “but I’m glad you’ve found someone you connect with. I’m happy for you.”

            Gabriel left around ten that night and Dean and Cas fell straight into bed, oddly exhausted from doing almost nothing all day.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst ahead...you've been warned

            Weeks went by, Dean spent almost every weekend at Cas’s house and they were happy. The nights that Cas slept alone were long and frustratingly free of orgasms, but overall he was content. That changed one Saturday in early February.

            Cas checked his mail there was a notice from the courthouse. He really hoped it wasn’t jury duty.

 

            _Castiel Novak_

_It is my duty to inform you that Richard Roman will be released from prison on February 17 th. Your protective order is still in effect and as part of Mr. Roman’s parole he is not permitted to contact you or come within 50 yards of you. If he violates either of these terms of his parole, please contact…”_

            Cas couldn’t read any farther. Dick was getting out of prison. Dick was getting out and there was nothing but a piece of paper keeping him from hurting Cas again. He collapsed to the floor, trying to keep his breathing under control. He knew Dick was getting out soon, but there must have been some good behavior involved because he was almost positive he had another few months left.

            When he was sure that he wasn’t going to totally freak out, he called Gabriel.

            “Hey, little brother,” Gabe answered the phone cheerfully.

            “Gabe,” Cas said, “Dick’s getting out of jail.”

            “It’ll be okay, Cas,” Gabe assured him before asking “I thought his release was set for July?”

            “Must be good behavior. He’s out on the 17th.”

            “Good behavior is such bullshit. He wasn’t on his best behavior when he was with you, what the hell makes it mean anything in prison?”

            “I know,” Cas took a shaky breath, “but I’m not going to worry about this, at least not until I have a reason to.”

            “Cas, that’s a lie and we both know it. Just…remember to breathe and be honest with Dean about it. Does he know about Dick?”

            “Yeah. Well, he knows the basics anyway. I suppose I’ll have to tell him about this.”

            “Yeah, you do,” Gabe said. There was no sass in his voice, just calm agreement. “Dean and I are here for you, Cas. We’ll keep you safe.”

            “I know. Thank you Gabriel.”

            It took Cas a few minutes of staring at his phone before he finally dialed Dean.

            “Hey, baby,” Dean greeted him.

            “Dean, something’s happened…or is going to happen, I guess.” He could feel his breathing pick up.

            “Cas, calm down. Take a deep breath and tell me what’s going on.”

            “Dick is getting out of prison on the 17th.”

            “It’s okay, Cas,” Dean assured him, “I’m not going to let him hurt you.”

            “I know, Dean, but it’s hard to know he’s going to be out roaming the streets again.”

            “Do you want me to come over?”

            “Please,”

            “I’m on my way.”

            Dean was over in about 20 minutes and Cas was still sitting on the couch staring at the letter when he let himself in. He sat down next to his boyfriend and placed an arm around him. Cas relaxed into the embrace.

            They sat there in silence for a few minutes and Cas let the tears roll down his face. Dean let him cry until Cas was sure he has no tears left. “Will you make dinner?” He asked, feeling pathetically like a child.

            “Of course, Cas. What do you want?”

            “BLTs?” He asked, “I’m pretty sure I have everything for them.”

            “Sure thing, angel; you want some tea?”

            “Yes, please.”

            When Dean came back with a cup of tea a few minutes later, Cas had turned on the TV, but Dean could tell he wasn’t really paying attention to the Friends rerun on the screen.

            He kept poking his head in from the kitchen while he cooked the bacon and got the sandwiches together. The only time Cas moved was to sip at his tea, and that worried Dean, but he knew this was just Cas’s way of coping.

            “I don’t think you should stay tonight,” Cas said half way through dinner.

            “I don’t think you should be alone,” Dean said.

            “I’ll stay with Gabriel,” Cas said, “I just know I’m not going to sleep and I don’t want to keep you awake.”

            “Is that the only reason, Cas?” Dean asked, wanting to make sure Cas was going to be okay.

            “I don’t want to have sex with you tonight,”

            “Cas, I would never…”

            “I know, Dean, but…I’m in a headspace right now that I’m afraid I’ll feel obligated and I don’t want to be with you when I’m thinking like this.”

            “Why would you feel obligated?”

            “Before I moved in with Dick, we could never just sleep in the same bed. He always wanted sex when I stayed over. On more than one occasion he took me when I didn’t feel like it. I learned that if I cooperated he would be gentler and prep me more so it wouldn’t hurt as much.”

            “If you don’t want me to stay, I’ll leave, but not until you go over to Gabe’s.”

            “Thank you, Dean.”

            Cas did sleep that night, albeit not well. He drifted off on Gabe’s couch around three am, but his old nightmares came back.

            _Cas was kneeling on the kitchen floor, picking up the pieces of a coffee mug he had accidentally dropped. Dick came in and started yelling when he realized what had happened._

_“You moron,” he screamed, “I swear you ruin everything you touch.” Suddenly, his hand was fisted in Cas’s hair and he felt his head get yanked violently away from his task._

_“I’m sorry, Dick. I didn’t mean to, it was an accident.” There were tears in his eyes already as his head was slammed forward onto the floor, the tiny pieces of ceramic biting into his face as Dick kept fuming._

_“You are going to clean this up,” his head was pushed down even harder, “and then you are going to make it up to me. Prove to me that your pretty little ass is worth keeping you for.”_

Cas jerked awake, gasping and shaking. It took him a few moments before the sobbing started and he tried to be quiet, but even through his pillow, his cries were loud enough that Gabriel came down the stairs to check on him.

            “Cas?” he asked, kneeling next to the couch, “Castiel, what’s wrong?”

            “Nothing,” Cas mumbled into the pillow, “just a bad dream. Go back to bed.”

            “It was about Dick, wasn’t it?”

            “Yes,” Cas admitted, “but I’ll be okay.”

            Gabriel ran a soothing hand along Cas’s back and soon Cas was calm enough to look at his brother with red-rimmed eyes. “I haven’t cried over Dick in a long time,”

            “It’s okay to cry, Cas, no matter how long it’s been.”

            “Thanks for letting me stay over, Gabe.”

            “Of course, Cas. You’re my brother and I love you.”

            “I love you too.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter this time, and I'm so sorry I forgot to update yesterday, NaNoWriMo is eating my brain. You're all lovely for putting up with an assbutt like me.

            Dean hadn’t slept well; when his alarm went off at 8 am, he had gotten about 4 hours of sleep. He wanted nothing more than to call Cas and see how he was doing, but he didn’t want to wake him in case he was still sleeping.

            He dragged himself out of bed, made some coffee and texted Gabe.

            _How’s Cas?_

The reply came a few minutes later. _Sleeping for now. I’ll have him call you when he wakes up._

Dean was grateful that Gabriel seemed to know his motives. _Okay. thanks._

Dean tried to occupy himself; he started watching an old western on TV but couldn’t focus on the plot. He decided to do something more hands-on, so he looked up a recipe for chocolate chip cookies and went to the store to get ingredients for it.

            Cas called as he was spooning the first batch onto a baking sheet. “Hey, Cas. How are you doing?” He checked the time and noted that it was 12:30.

            “I’m better,” Cas sighed in a way that let Dean know that he was in no way okay yet.

            “I’m baking cookies. Do you want me to bring some over when I’m done?” He asked, placing the pan in the oven.

            “That would be nice,” Cas said before slurping what Dean assumed was coffee.

            “Okay, it’ll be about an hour before they’re done, so I’ll see you then.”

            “Don’t hang up yet,” Cas said and there was a shake in his voice that had Dean making small talk up until he started the Impala.

            “I’ll be there soon,” he said.

            “Don’t take too long,” Cas said in a teasing tone and Dean thought that Cas was going to be okay.

            Dean stayed over that night, and while Cas slept better, it was not enough to keep the nightmares away. The first one had been the most common when he had them before.

            _Cas was laying at the bottom of the stairs, heavy footsteps pounded down the steps but he was in too much pain to move out of the way. A blow landed on ribs that he was pretty sure were already broken from falling down the stairs. The kicks kept coming and then a booted foot came down hard on his left forearm and he woke up with a scream._

Dean was sitting up with him asking him what he needed. “It’s okay, Dean,” Cas said.

            “No, it’s not. Do you want to talk about the dream?”          

            “It was the only time I wound up in the hospital because of him. Broken arm and bruised ribs. He told them I fell down the stairs, which wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either.”

            Dean grit his teeth. The thought of anyone hurting Cas made him so mad, but now was not the time to show Cas his anger. “It was a dream, Cas. You’re safe now.”

            Cas leaned into Dean’s open arms and let himself be laid back down. Dean drifted off before Cas did, but eventually they were both asleep again. Cas had more nightmares that night; they weren’t enough to wake him up, and he couldn’t remember them in the morning, only that he _had_ dreamt about Dick and he mentally kicked himself for letting his subconscious waste so much energy on remembering these things.

            He was grumpy while he and Dean got ready for the day and declined to get coffee at the shop. As they walked out the door, Dean asked if he wanted to see him later.

            “You can’t keep the nightmares away, Dean. I don’t want to keep waking you up. Maybe we should just stay in our own places for a while; at least until I’m sleeping through the night.”

            “If that’s what you want, Cas, but if you’re doing this for _my_ sake, I ain’t buying it. I won’t leave you if you actually want me to stay.”

            “I just need some time to myself, Dean,” Cas said. Dean wasn’t convinced, but he left the matter alone and walked to the Impala.

            “If you say so, Cas,” he said before dropping the slight attitude, “just…remember that I’m here for you.”

            “Thank you, Dean.”

            “Goodbye, Cas.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short and I forgot to post again (silly me) but enjoy.

            It took Cas until Thursday to seek Dean out. He texted him during his lunch break and told him not to make dinner.

            _3 days and all I get is “don’t make dinner?”_

_I’m sorry_ Cas replied _My attempt at surprising you is clearly failing. I would like to come over tonight and I planned on bringing food._

_you’re always welcome, Cas. you know that._

_see you tonight, Dean._

The rest of the day went slowly as Cas anticipated seeing Dean again. He knew it was stupid to avoid him, but the nightmares hadn’t gotten better and he didn’t want Dean to know how bad it had been. In the end, his longing for Dean won out.

            He got some sandwiches from a local sub place on the way to Dean’s building and let himself in. The apartment was the same, but it felt different somehow, less lived in, like Dean hadn’t been there in a while.

            He shook off the off the weird feeling as he put the subs in the fridge and grabbed a beer. He knew Dean sometimes got held up at the garage, so he settled onto the couch and turned on the TV for some background noise as he drank his beer.

            When Dean came in around six, Cas’s beer was gone and he was laying on the couch and staring at the ceiling.

            “Hey, Cas,” Dean said from the doorway. Cas sat up but otherwise made no move toward Dean.

            “You okay?” Dean asked as he looked into the living room.

            “I don’t even know,” Cas said honestly, looking at his hands. Dean sat down next to him and forced him to meet his eyes.

            “I’ve missed you. Dammit, Cas, I need you and every time you avoid me another piece of my heart breaks. I don’t want to lose you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and if you take that away, I don’t know what’ll happen to me.” Tears were threatening to spill from his eyes, but he wouldn’t look away from Cas.

            “I’m sorry, Dean. I never want to hurt you, but I’m a mess.”

            “I’m a mess too, Cas, and I’m sorry, but I’d rather have you, cursed or not.”

            “Dean…” Dean kissed him then, hard. There was so much emotion behind it that Cas felt like he could drown in it. Their lips moved together almost angrily as they tried to convey everything they couldn’t say. A few phrases slipped out between their lips and it was impossible to tell who had said what.

            “Don’t leave.”

            “I need you.”

            “…too good for me.”

            “…can’t lose you.”

            “I love you.”

            “I love you.”

            “I love you.”

            The kisses slowed as the constant stream of “I love you,” took over. When they finally pulled away and looked at each other, they both had tears on their cheeks but they had stopped falling. “I love you,” Dean said firmly, taking Cas’s hands in his, “and I’m not leaving you.”

            “I love you too, Dean,” Cas said, “and I want to be with you, as long as you’ll have me. As long as you think I’m worthy of your love.”

            “You don’t think you deserve to be loved? Cas, you’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. You are the most caring, selfless person I know and you make me a better person. I will love you for the rest of my life if you’ll let me.”

            “That sounds like a proposal,” Cas laughed.

            “It’s not,” Dean shook his head, a small smile on his lips, “it’s not the right time.”

            “Well then maybe it’s time for dinner. There are subs in the fridge.”

            “Great,” Dean said, releasing Cas and heading to the kitchen, “because I’m starving.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who remembered to post on time?

            After that, Cas made a conscious effort to keep Dean informed about his feelings. The nightmares came less frequently and when the date of Dick’s release came, Cas had not spent another day away from Dean.

            Dean checked in with Cas throughout the day, ensuring that he was okay and that nothing bad had happened. By the time Dean got to Cas’s house, Gabriel was there and there was something cooking in the oven.

            “Hello,” Dean called as he let himself in.

            “We’re in the kitchen,” Cas called back, seeming much happier than Dean had expected. When he got to the kitchen, they were sitting at the table, both of them with a mug of something steaming in their hands. Dean greeted Cas with a small kiss and when Gabriel rolled his eyes he kissed him harder, just to annoy Gabe.

            “Honestly, if you want me to leave…”

            “Gabe, you’re not leaving until you help us eat all this food I’m making,” Cas said.

            “Well, I’m not going to say no to that,” Gabriel laughed and it spread to the other two men and the atmosphere in the entire room was lighter.

            Dinner was pleasant, though Dean teased Cas about making pigs in a blanket and frozen corn for dinner. “It’s called comfort food, Dean.”

            “No, fried chicken, meatloaf, and even pie are comfort foods. This is just weird.”

            “Don’t knock my food choices or you won’t get any,” Cas threatened.

            “I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean said, his tone only slightly mocking, “it looks delicious.”

            When Gabriel left, Cas practically jumped Dean. “Cas, slow down,” Dean said, fighting against the assault on his lips.

            “Dean, I haven’t had sex in weeks. I need this. I need you.”

            “But why?” Dean asked, and that, at least, made Cas pause.

            “Because I love you, Dean. Because I still can’t get myself off, and because I feel better today than I have in a long time, despite what’s happened.”

            “So this has nothing to do with Dick being out?”

            “Dean, this is about me and you and the fact that I’ve wasted so many nights not allowing myself to want you.”

            “We should go upstairs,” Dean whispered as Cas kissed along his neck.

            “Why bother?” Cas said, backing Dean up against the table and grinding against him.

            “Whatever you want,” Dean said, willing to take whatever Cas gave him. There was a flurry of hands and lips and soon they were both naked and Dean was sitting on the table. Cas didn’t waste any time getting Dean’s cock into his mouth and Dean was moaning and leaning back further with every twirl of Cas’s tongue. The fact that the light was still on and the windows were all unobstructed was oddly hot and Dean didn’t last nearly as long as he usually did.

            “Shit, Cas,” Dean said as he came down from his climax.

            “Shh...Dean, it’s okay,” Cas righted himself and planted a light kiss on Dean’s lips. “Turn around,” it was more of an order than a suggestion and Dean’s cock gave a valiant twitch as he bent himself over the table. “So beautiful,” Cas said, running a hand over the freckles on Dean’s back. He leaned over to whisper in Dean’s ear, “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

            “You loved me,” Dean answered honestly. There was a light kiss on his shoulder and then Cas’s body was no longer against his and there was the sound on skin against skin before Cas came with a groan over Dean’s back.

            Later, when they were cleaned up and lying in bed, Cas couldn’t stop touching Dean. He traced patterns in his lover’s freckles and his lips ghosted over every inch of his face. There was no urgency, only love.

            Dean let him carry out his almost worshipful caresses without a word, knowing that Cas needed this, needed to see him and touch him to feel secure. “Would you ever want to live here?” Cas asked as Dean was starting to get sleepy.

            “It’s a nice place,” he replied, not sure how far Cas was going to go with this train of thought.

            “Living with me wouldn’t be so bad, would it?”

            “It would be wonderful,” Dean said, his eyes still closed.

            “So move in with me,” Cas’s hands stilled and Dean opened his eyes.

            “Don’t do this tonight, Cas. I don’t want you to make a decision like this while you’re emotional and we’re in bed. Sure, when we’re like this, it feels like the easiest thing in the world, but I know I’m not the best roommate and I want you to think about this in the light of day.”

            “Okay, Dean, but I’m not going to change my mind. I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I haven’t changed my mind yet.”

            “Let’s just go to sleep and talk about it tomorrow.”

            “Okay. Good night, Dean.”

 

            It took a few days until Cas broached the subject again. They were eating at Dean’s kitchen table when he said “your apartment is rather small.”

            “Your house is rather large. What’s your point?” Dean asked, knowing full well what Cas was trying to say.

            “I mean, we spend every night together, there’s no point in paying for two places.”

            “Cas, I know you want me to move in with you, but I don’t think I’m quite ready to lose my independence yet.”

            “You think it won’t feel like yours?” Cas asked, not quite understanding.

            “It’s more that I like knowing I’ve worked for what I have. This apartment is small, but I work hard to pay for it. I don’t want to lose that feeling.”

            “Well you could pay part of the mortgage. It’d be fair, since it’d be your house too.”

            “Well, how much could you have left on it?” Dean asked, trying to work the math in his head, “ten years? Maybe less?”

            “I’ve been living there longer, why shouldn’t I have paid more for it than you will?”

            Dean sighed, knowing that the only compromise would move Cas away from his brother and he didn’t want to do that. “I can live with that,” he agreed quietly.

            “You’re moving in with me,” Cas said the words almost as carefully, testing the feel of them in his mouth.

            “We’re moving in together,” Dean said firmly, a smile beginning to grow on his face. Cas couldn’t help but to return the smile. He wanted to start packing Dean’s things right away, but he knew Dean needed to do this on his own schedule, so it was enough that he had agreed to move in.


	21. Chapter 21

            Dean’s lease didn’t run out until April, so things were pretty steady until then. Cas’s nightmares had all but disappeared and they had worked out the logistics weeks ahead of time, so when the day came, all they had to do was load Dean, Cas, and Gabriel’s cars with Dean’s things and bring them out to the suburbs.

            Cas basically ran from his car to the Impala when they arrived so he could sweep Dean up into his arms. “Cas, what are you doing?”

            “Well,” Cas said, walking toward the door, “It is traditional to carry a loved one across the threshold of your home.”

            “I see,” Dean said, wrapping his arms around Cas’s neck. They got to the door and Dean noticed it was already open (he was sure Cas had arranged that with Gabriel). When they were inside, Dean pulled himself up (or pulled Cas down, he wasn’t really sure which) and kissed him.

            “Welcome home,” Cas said, their lips still pressed together.

           

            The moving went smoothly and by six, they were all sitting around the table eating pizza and drinking beer (Dean had to admit, Cas did have good taste in beer). When Gabriel left, Dean started to unpack.

            He got as far as putting his clothes away before Cas was on him. “We’ve already done the kitchen,” he whispered seductively in his ear, “what do you say we christen the rest of the house?”

            “Not tonight, Cas,” Dean said, kissing the disappointed look off his face, “I’m too sore and tired.”

            “Okay,” Cas said, “I could give you a back rub if you like. Or you could try out the shower massager.”

            “Hmm…Dean pretended to deliberate, “a weak-ass stream of water, or my boyfriend’s hands? I’ll have to think about that…” He laughed and Cas gave his chest a little smack.

            “Shut up and get on the bed.”

            As Cas worked his magic against Dean’s tight muscles, they talked.

            “I’ll have to meet the neighbors,” Dean mused against the pillow.

            “Why?” Cas asked, pressing harder into a stubborn knot between Dean’s shoulder blades.

            “Because that’s what you do when you move into a new neighborhood,” Dean said, “it’s not like they’re going to come to me.”

            “Yeah, I know,” Cas admitted, “that’s my fault.”

            “Not really. You weren’t in a place to be neighborly when you moved in, but now maybe we can make friends.”

            “I’d like that,” Cas paused for a moment, resting his hands just above the waist of Dean’s boxers, “I don’t have to tell them anything about Dick do I?”

            “Of course not; what did you tell them when you first moved in? Some of them must have come to introduce themselves.”

            “They did,” Cas said, resuming his long slow movements along Dean’s back, “I get the impression they just thought I was a loner, and I’m sure my elusive brother next door has assured them it runs in the family.”

            “So most of them know you’re related?”

            “Well, he helped me move in, so yeah.”

            “We should have a barbeque,” Dean mumbled, “invite some people over.”

            “Not until we know people,” Cas hedged, “I don’t want strangers in my back yard. Also, I don’t have a grill.”

            “We’ll get one. And yeah, we gotta find the cool kids on the block. Only invite the ones that really kick ass.”

            “I like you when you’re like this,” Cas said.

            “Like what?”

            “Sleepy and content and a little loopy,” Cas giggled lightly.

            “I like me like this too.”

            They fell silent and Cas’s massage turned into slow caresses as Dean drifted off to sleep.

            When Cas was certain that Dean wasn’t awake, he slid off the bed and covered him up before going to shower and brush his teeth. He knew Dean would be a little miffed about not being able to brush his teeth, but he’d survive.

            When Cas climbed into his side of the bed ( _their_ bed he thought with a smile) he couldn’t help but stare at Dean. He pressed a light kiss to his lips and then just laid there on his side, looking at Dean and marveling at how such a wonderful person could be his. His bliss kept his eyes open for far longer than he would have and he fell asleep with Dean’s face filling his vision.


	22. Chapter 22

            The barbeque did not occur until June, and Dean and Cas had a hard time deciding which neighbors to invite.

            “Meg is…abrasive,” Cas said while they lounged on the couch, “I do not think it would be good to put her and Gabe together.”

            “They can behave themselves, Cas. What about Charlie?”

            “She called me dreamy,” Cas said, sounding slightly confused and a little annoyed.

            “That’s a compliment, Cas, and coming from a gay chick, it’s a pretty big one.”

            “Okay, Charlie can come. What about Zac?”

            “Zac’s a dick, why would you want to invite him?”

            “You’re the one who told me to be neighborly. Besides, he’s also an accountant.”

            “And that’s all you have in common. I feel like he would just stand by the food table all evening and not talk to anyone. He’d ruin the fun.”

            “Fine, but if we’re not inviting Zac, we’re not inviting Bela.”

            “What do you have against Bela?”

            “She likes you too much.”

            “Okay, so she’s a little flirtatious, what’s wrong with that?”

            “The fact that it’s directed at my boyfriend!” Cas practically yelled.

            “You’re jealous,” Dean laughed.

            “It’s not funny, Dean.”

            “Cas, you know that I only have eyes for you,” Dean leaned over kissed him as if to prove his point.

            “That’s not the only reason I don’t like her,” Cas said.

            “Yeah, I’m not her biggest fan either, and she probably wouldn’t come anyway.”

            “So that’s settled. Did you want to invite any of your coworkers?”

            “Nah, I was thinking this would be just a neighbor thing. Oh, and remind me to get charcoal for the grill tomorrow.”

            “I don’t know why we couldn’t just get a gas grill.”

            “Because charcoal tastes better, Cas,” Dean said, rolling his eyes. This wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation.

            “If you say so,” Cas said, “just add it to the grocery list and we’ll pick some up.”

 

            The day of the barbeque came, and while the turn out wasn’t as good as they had hoped, those who could make it all seemed to have a good time.

            Charlie was the first to arrive, bearing pasta salad and a 6-pack of Woodchuck. “Not that I don’t trust your taste in booze, but this stuff is fantastic.”

            “Trust me, no offense taken,” Dean said, leading her out to the back yard.

            After that, Gabe came through his yard with a platter of cupcakes, Meg showed up with her roommate Ruby in tow (though Dean strongly suspected they were more than roommates) each carrying a bowl. The bowls held a salad and a fruit salad and Dean was starting to get oddly disappointed in how healthy his neighbors seemed to be.

            Luckily, when Tessa showed up a few minutes later, she was carrying a bottle of wine and a few bags of potato chips. “Thank god,” Dean greeted her, “the spread was getting a little too healthy.”

            “I’m glad my lack of time worked to your advantage,” Tessa laughed dryly.

            “Are you trying to tell me you didn’t slave for hours on these chips?” Dean asked, his tone heavy with sarcasm.

            “This should be chilled,” she said, forcing the wine into his hand and suppressing a laugh.

            “Will do. You can just set those on the table over there.”

            While Dean put the wine in the fridge, Cas was socializing. Gabriel had captivated most of the guests with a tale of mistaken identity and Cas found himself adding some commentary.

            “Well, to be fair, that moustache was ridiculous.”

            “She tried to pull it off!” This sent a wave of laughter through the group and Cas was happy that they were able to put the awkwardness behind them and join the neighborhood.

            Dean Came out and wrapped his arms around Cas’s waist. “Can I steal you away to help me with the grill?”

            “Sure thing,” Cas said, and then turning to their guests said “he can’t seem to stack the charcoal the way I can.” Dean gave him a little slap on the arm but didn’t deny it.

            Dean manned the grill after Cas lit it and Cas got him a beer before making the rounds. Their neighbors had split into a few groups; Charlie and Meg were talking about the staggering number of queers in the neighborhood (Cas made a mental note to tell Dean he was right about Ruby), Gabriel was discussing the porn industry to a very attentive Meg, and Tessa was off in the corner of the yard with her phone to her ear.

            Overall, the evening was a success. No punches were thrown, there were very few tense moments at all, and everyone went home full and slightly drunk. Gabriel stayed and helped clean up the back yard but then left Dean and Cas to enjoy the rest of the night.


	23. Chapter 23

            Sam’s wedding plans were starting to come together and Dean found himself making arrangements for their trip out to California one night in early September.

            “We have over a month,” Cas said, turning from his desk.

            “You get better deals if you don’t wait ‘til the last minute.”

            “And this is why you’re making the plans,” Cas laughed, “I haven’t traveled much.”

            “All set,” Dean said with a final, almost smug click of his mouse. “And now there’s a more immediate event we need to plan for.”

            “So you remember,” Cas said

            “You really think I could forget the day we met?” Dean laughed. They had both agreed that their coffee date counted as the start of their relationship and their anniversary was coming up. “What do you wanna do?”

            “I’d be happy just staying in. As long as I’m with you, it doesn’t matter.”

            “You’re being corny, and entirely unhelpful,” Dean chided.

            “Why do I have to decide? You know I don’t care.” Cas was starting to sound exasperated.

            “We have the weirdest fights,” Dean laughed.

            “Seriously though, I don’t care. Plan something if you want, I’ll be happy doing anything. I’ve already got your gift.”

            “Oh really? What’d you get me?”

            “You’re going to have to wait,” Cas teased.

            Dean stuck his tongue out Cas moved from his chair and captured it with a kiss. He climbed into Dean’s lap as they kept kissing. Dean’s hands were everywhere and his hips were bucking up into Cas’s sporadically. Cas was a little more controlled, locking his hands around Dean’s neck and setting a slow pace with his hips, smiling into the kiss as Dean moaned.

            Cas could tell from the noises Dean was making that he was already on the edge of orgasm, so he moved his lips to Dean’s neck, sucking a bruise there that he would have to apologize for later. It had the desired effect and Cas pulled away to smirk at Dean while his orgasm still shook his body.

            Cas’s hips had slowed but didn’t stop. When Dean was finally able to form words, he fixed Cas with the harshest gaze he could muster. “You’re a jerk.”

            “You love it,” Cas said.

            “I love you,” Dean said, recalling their conversation from around Christmas, “there’s a difference.”

            “Shut up,” Cas said, smiling. He was trying to ignore the hardness between his legs, but he was still grinding lightly against Dean. It wasn’t enough.

            Dean grabbed Cas’s hips and stilled his motions. “Pretty big talk, considering I got off and you didn’t.”

            “There’s a reason for that,” Cas grinned and climbed off Dean’s lap, walking to the bedroom without a word. Dean followed, just as silently.

            When they got to the bedroom, Cas stripped methodically and told Dean to sit in the chair. He took the bottle of lube from his bedside table and laid out on the bed so Dean could see his face and his ass. He coated his fingers in lube, sliding two into his hole at once. He had been stretching himself every day to make it easier. He tried to maintain eye contact with Dean as he stretched himself, but the pleasure got to be too much and his eyes drifted closed. He pulled his fingers out and after a few moments of composing himself, climbed off the bed and went to his dresser. He saw Dean’s eyes get wide when he pulled out a dildo from his underwear drawer.

            “Cas,” He gasped.

            “Shh, Dean,” Cas said, crawling back onto the bed. He applied lube over the dildo and held it straight up against the bed and sunk down onto it, only allowing himself to groan when he bottomed out. He was glad to see that Dean was not moving despite the obvious bulge in his pants.

            “Enjoying the show, Mr. Winchester?” Cas said, starting to move up and down.

            “Very much,” Dean said.

            “I haven’t been filled like this in so long, Dean. I don’t know how long I’m going to last.”

            “God, Cas. I want you so bad right now.”

            “Then come take me,” Cas slid off the dildo and lay down on the bed while Dean took his clothes off and put lube on his dick.

            “Are you sure, Cas?” Dean asked as he lined up his prick with Cas’s hole.

            “Yes, Dean. I was going to do this on our anniversary but I couldn’t wait. I swear if you don’t do it, I’m going to slap you.”

            “God I love you,” Dean kissed Cas hard as he slid into him. Dean hadn’t been inside someone for so long and Cas felt better than anyone he’d ever been with. “Holy shit,” he panted against Cas’s lips.

            “God, Dean, you feel so good filling me up.” Dean moved slowly, every move sending pleasure through his whole body. Cas was having a similar reaction and before long they were both cumming.

            “That was amazing,” Dean said as he slid out and rolled off Cas.

            “Yeah,” Cas said, “Thank you for that.”

            “You’re thanking me?” Dean laughed, turning to his partner, “That was the best gift ever.”

            “That wasn’t your gift, Dean.”

            “Oh,” Dean was confused. “Still have to wait for that, huh?”

            “Yup,” Cas said, kissing Dean on the cheek, “but I’m sure you’ll love it.”

            “I’m sure I will,” Dean yawned and suggested that they clean themselves off before they fell asleep. They went to the bathroom and rinsed off in the shower before putting on boxers and crawling back to bed.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I didn't post this chapter on Monday. I've started working so I'm not really able to follow a schedule anymore, but I will try to update as much as possible, I promise.

            The date of their anniversary came and Dean drove them into town in the morning to get coffee. Anna was working and she made little hearts on their lattes and wished them a happy anniversary.

            “Did you tell her?” Cas asked.

            “It may have come up yesterday,” Dean hedged.

            “I’m still not too happy you didn’t wake me up,” Cas was smiling, so Dean knew he wasn’t actually mad.

            “You knew I had to leave, early, and I know how you are in the morning.”

            “I’m adorable in the morning,” Cas said, faking hurt.

            “Adorably grumpy,” Dean amended.

            “Fair enough,” Cas took a sip of his latte and gave Anna a thumbs up from across the room. Anna laughed and returned her attention to the extra sugary concoction she was preparing.

            “So, aside from coffee, what are our plans for today?” Cas asked for about the third time that day.

            “I told you, it’s a surprise,” Dean insisted.

            “Oh come on, Dean, you know how much I hate surprises.”

            “You’ll like this one, I promise. Plus, you have surprised me plenty of times.”

            “Fine,” Cas said, taking a sip, “but if I don’t like it, you _will_ make it up to me later tonight.”

            “Deal,” Dean laughed.

 

            When they finished their coffee, Dean drove them out to the country and Cas started getting very curious. “Okay, seriously, Dean, where are we going?”

            “If you ask me one more time, I will turn this car around and never tell you where we were going.” Dean joked.

            “Fine,” Cas crossed his arms and pouted dramatically.

            They wound up pulling into a farm and Dean finally spilled the secret. “We’re going horseback riding,” he said proudly.

            “I haven’t been since I was little,” Cas said, suddenly excited as the Impala pulled up next to a barn.

            “I know. Gabriel said you used to love it, so I figured you still would.” They left the car and were greeted by a young man wearing overalls. “Hi, Dean,” he said, “right on time. And this must be the boyfriend,” he gestured toward Cas.

            “Yes, sir,” Dean said.

            “Well I’ve got your horses all set up for you. Trail’s that way,” he pointed toward a wooded area. “You’ve got them until four and then I start charging you extra. Any questions?”

            “Nope,” Dean said and then looked at Cas who shook his head. The man led them out to a corral and got them situated with their horses. Dean put the lunch he packed into the saddle bag and they were off.

            They rode in silence for a while, enjoying the scenery. Neither of them could help their smiles as they made their way through the woods.

            “Look at the bees,” Cas said as they passed a hive. “Look how they seem to dance. Really they’re signaling to the rest of the hive where they can find some particularly good nectar.”

            “How do you know that?” Dean laughed.

            “I find bees fascinating. Plus I took an animal behavior class in college.”

            “You would,” Dean teased.

 

            They stopped at the bank of a river to eat lunch. After they had eaten their fill, they laid in the grass for a while, holding hands and just enjoying the peace of the moment. Cas was once again the one to break the silence. “I’d like to give you your gift now, Dean,” he said.

            “Okay,” Dean said and they sat up, adjusting their bodies so they were facing each other. Cas reached into his pocket and pulled out a simple ring of silver titanium. Dean burst out laughing.

            “I don’t see how this is funny, Dean,” Cas said, almost in tears, “I finally got the courage to…”

            Dean was able to compose himself enough to explain, “No, Cas, it’s not that. Trust me, I want to spend the rest of our lives together, and that’s exactly why this is so funny.”

            “I still don’t…”

            “Just shut up and let me propose,” Dean said, pulling a similar white gold ring from his pocket. Cas laughed and they fumbled to put the rings on each other’s fingers and then kissed each other sweetly. “We can’t tell Sam about this yet,” Dean said, “I don’t want to overshadow his wedding.”

            “I don’t think that would happen, but if you think it’s for the best, we can wait until after the wedding to tell him.”

            “Does Gabe know?”

            “Yeah, he helped me pick out the ring.”

            “You trusted Gabe’s opinion on jewelry?” Dean was shocked.

            “Okay, it was more like he came to the store with me and tried to convince me to get you a diamond.”

            “Well thank god you didn’t. I can just imagine losing the rock in an engine or something.”

            “You would, too, with your luck.”

            “God, I love you,” Dean said.

            “I love you too.”

            “We should get back.”

            “Probably,” Cas agreed, but neither of them made a move to get up until the alarm on Dean’s phone went off a few minutes later saying they would be late if they didn’t leave ASAP.

 

            By the time they got home and ordered in dinner, they were too tired to do much of anything besides cuddle on the couch watching a marathon of Ghost Facers. Cas fell asleep in Dean’s arms and when Dean decided it was time for bed, he carried his fiancé up the stairs and laid him in bed and stripped them both down to their boxers before joining Cas in bed and drifting off to sleep.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. You guys are all dolls.

The airport was crowded and Cas was starting to get anxious as they waited in line to go through security. Dean gave his hand a light squeeze and smiled at him. He was still nervous about flying, and he knew Dean didn’t like it either, but if they were together they would both make it through the flight.

            They made it through security and sat at the gate waiting to board. They didn’t have to wait long as they had just let on the first class passengers. “We cut it pretty close,” Dean said.

            “I told you traffic was going to be awful,” Cas reminded him, “but _someone_ didn’t listen.”

            “I know,” Dean said, “We should have left earlier, but we made it, right?”

            “Right,” Cas agreed.

            When they were allowed to board, Dean asked Cas if he preferred the window or aisle seat. Cas took the window seat. “You have a tiny bladder; I don’t want you crawling over me every time you have to pee.”

            “You didn’t seem to mind me crawling over you last night,” Dean winked as they settled into their seats.

            “Well, now we’re in public,” Cas said. Dean laughed and they settled in for the flight, Cas with a classic novel on his e-reader and Dean with a mystery paper back.

            The take off went smoothly, Dean squeezed Cas’s hand slightly as they left the ground but once they reached cruising altitude, they were both calm enough to read.

 

            They were flying over Nebraska when the curtain to first class opened and Cas caught sight of a familiar face. He started hyperventilating.

            “Cas,” Dean asked, “are you okay? What’s wrong?”

            “It’s Dick,” Cas managed to eke out. “He’s sitting in first class.”

            “Are you sure?” Dean asked.

            “I’m sure,” Cas said, tears falling down his face. “I need to get off this plane.”

            “Cas, look at me,” Dean said, gently turning his fiancé’s face toward his. “Take a deep breath.” Cas did and continued to do so as Dean explained what he would do. “I’m going to find the air marshal and explain the situation. If they can make a landing to get him off the plane before California, that would be best, if not, there’s no need to alert Dick to the fact that you’re here and the marshal won’t let him do anything to you and neither will I. You’re going to be okay, I promise.”

            “Okay,” Cas said, his voice small. Dean held him for a few moments before flagging down a flight attendant.

            “Excuse me, miss,” he said, “We need to speak with the air marshal.”

            “May I ask why?” she responded, giving Cas a wary look.

            “It’s a little personal,” Dean said, “but I can assure you that there is a law being broken, and while it’s likely unintentional, we would like to correct it as soon as possible.”

            “Okay,” the attendant didn’t sound convinced, but she returned in a few minutes with an older woman wearing a plaid shirt and jeans before she left them alone.

            “My name is Jodi Mills,” she introduced herself, “I hear you have some kind of problem.”

            Dean looked to Cas, but he looked so child-like and pained that Dean answered for him in a quiet voice. “My fiancé here has a restraining order against one of the passengers in first class and as you can probably tell it’s upsetting him a great deal. I know there’s not much you can do, but we thought you should know.”

            Jodi looked at Cas then. “Listen…” she looked to Dean again and he supplied her with a name. “Listen, Cas. I’m going to talk to the pilot and see what we can do about getting him off the plane early. I’m not going to let him do anything to you, okay?”

            Cas nodded. He felt like a child, like he couldn’t protect himself. He felt almost as helpless as he had when he was with Dick. “What’s his name?”

            “Richard Roman,” Cas said.

            “Okay, Cas. I’ll be right back.”

            “Are you okay, Cas?” Dean asked as the air marshal walked toward the cock pit.

            “I don’t know,” Cas said, his heart beating in his chest.

            “That’s okay. You don’t have to be strong. I’m here for you, even if you have a total melt down on a plane.”

            Cas laughed at that. “Thank you Dean.”

            “Of course, Cas.”

            Cas fiddled with his engagement ring while they silently waited for Jodi to return.

            When she did return, she let them know that since they were over half way to their destination and that there had been no altercation, the airline policy didn’t allow them to land. “We will be there in a little less than an hour.” The marshal placed a gentle hand on Cas’s shoulder. “Which man is it?” she asked, “I’d like to know who to look out for.”

            “The one on the right side of the aisle with short brown hair wearing a suit,” Cas replied.

            “Alright, hang in there,” she said. “If you need me I’m in the back row.”

            “Thank you,” Cas and Dean said at the same time.

           

            The flight was fairly tense after that. Neither of them could read and Cas still had to work to control his breathing. Every so often, Dean would give Cas’s hand a squeeze and whisper little declarations of love into his ear.

            When the plane finally landed and they disembarked, Cas felt better. he knew they weren’t out of the woods yet and that there was a very real chance that they would run into Dick before leaving the airport, but he also knew that as long as he had Dean with him (and his taller, stronger brother as well) nothing bad was going to happen.

            Cas watched as Dean ran up to his little brother just outside the gate and pulled him into a tight hug. “I’ve missed you, Sammy.”

            “Missed you too, Dean,” Sam laughed. Cas ran his thumb over the skin that had been covered by his ring for the past few weeks. It felt odd not to be wearing it, but he knew it was for the best. “You must be Cas,” Sam extended a hand as he extracted himself from Dean’s arms. “Good to meet you.”

            “It’s nice to meet you as well.”

            Fortunately, they made it to baggage claim and out the door to Sam’s car with no incident and when they were dropped off at their hotel (Sam and Jess had no room in their house for them to sleep) Dean spent the hour or so before they had to get ready for the rehearsal dinner reminding Cas how much he loved him and worshipping his body in a way he hadn’t since the first time they had made love and Cas feels so much better.

 

            “Thank you, Dean,” Cas said as they got dressed, “for everything today. You always get me through these things.”

            “I wish you didn’t have to go through them at all,” Dean said. “Honestly, I wanted to punch the douche bag, but that would have gotten me thrown of the plane.”

            “I could see you doing that,” Cas said, laughing as he pictured it.

            “I was too focused on you anyway,” Dean kissed Cas on the cheek. “Come on, we don’t want to be late.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of short but the wedding is next chapter so it's going to be longer

            The rehearsal went off without a hitch and they quickly found themselves in a supper club waiting for the food to be served.

            As the best man, Dean was obligated to sit at the head table at dinner. Cas was shoved at an arbitrary table with some of Jess’s cousins. They were all younger than him, but not by so much that conversation was impossible.

            “Bride or groom?” one of them asked.

            “Groom,” Cas answered, “I’m his brother’s partner.” His hand went to his left ring finger, slightly sad that he couldn’t say “fiancé.”

            “Best man, right?” she asked.

            “That’s him,” Cas smiled affectionately toward Dean, though he knew he wouldn’t see it.

            “You’re a lucky man,” the cousin said, not even attempting to keep the desire out of her voice. Cas chose to ignore it.

            “I am,” he agreed.

 

            Dean was making small talk with the other groomsmen as they waited for the meal to start. They were some college friends of Sam’s and Dean realized just how much of his brother’s life he had missed out on.

            “What did you guys do for his bachelor party?” Dean asked. He had felt horrible about not being involved in it, but Cas couldn’t get off work as easily as he could.

            “Well we got the ladies involved as well, kind of a joint thing. We went out for apps and drinks and then went back to their place and played strip poker. It was a pretty fun night.”

            “Really?” Dean was intrigued. He would have never thought to have a joint bachelor/ bachelorette party. He idly wondered what he and Cas would do, if there was any point in doing separate parties.

            Dinner came and then it was time for the toasts. Sam started. “First, I would like to thank you all for being here. I would especially like to thank the wonderful bridal party for being so supportive and looking so damn good in their dresses and tuxes.” This got a laugh and Dean remembered that he hadn’t tried his on yet. “I would especially like to thank my brother and best man, Dean for flying all the way out here. And now, as it is customary, I’m going to make him say a few words.”

            Sam passed the microphone to Dean who stood awkwardly. “I’ll save the gushy and embarrassing stuff for tomorrow,” he waited until the laughter died to continue. “I’m just going to say that I could not be happier to see my baby brother getting married. Jess, you make him happy in a way I haven’t seen him in a long time and I trust you to take care of him. I’d also like to thank these gentleman over here,” he gestured to the other groomsmen, “because they basically did all the best man work since I couldn’t. Sam you have some great friends and soon you’ll have a great wife and I couldn’t think of anyone more deserving of happiness than you.”

            Dean looked down at Sam and saw tears in his eyes. Jess’s eyes were similarly dewy as he handed her the microphone.

            “I am just so happy to be marrying you, Sam,” she said. “and I’m so glad all of you could make it tonight and I look forward to seeing you all again tomorrow when I finally become Mrs. Winchester.”

 

            The rest of the dinner was fairly uneventful. There was more small talk and a few other toasts, and by the time Dean and Cas returned to their hotel they were exhausted and all they could do was strip down and crawl into bed.

            “It made me sad that I couldn’t use the term fiancé,” Cas admitted as he lay with his head on Dean’s chest.

            “I know,” Dean said, “but we can tell Sam and everyone else in two days.”

            “I love you.”

            “I love you too, now go to sleep. We have to be there at nine tomorrow.”

            “No, _you_ have to be there at nine. I’m just going that early because I don’t want to find another way there.”

            “Just go the fuck to sleep.”

            “Okay,” Cas gave Dean a small kiss before settling back down and drifting off to sleep.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A long one for you this time cause I didn't want to break up the wedding festivities.

            Dean had been a little shocked that Sam had chosen to get married in a church, but he had to admit it was a beautiful building. He kissed Cas goodbye and left him standing in the lobby to go find Sam. “Don’t get too bored,” Dean teased.

            “I’m going to explore the church,” Cas said, “I’ll see you later.”

            Dean found the room with a hastily written sign saying “groom” stuck to the door. He knocked and opened the door when he heard Sam tell him to enter.

            Sam was standing in front of a full-length mirror, making slight adjustments to his tux and his hair. He caught Dean’s eyes in the mirror as he places a hand on his shoulder. “Look at you, ya handsome devil,” he answered Sam’s nervous smile with a teasing one of his own. “You’re not getting cold feet, are you?” he asked.

            “No, nothing like that,” Sam assured him. “I just want this all to go smoothly for Jess, and you know my history of messing up important things.”

            “It runs in the family,” Dean laughed. “You’ll be fine, and if you make a mistake, I’m sure Jess will forgive you.”

            Sam sat down and gestured to a folding chair and watches as Dean does the same. “The other guys aren’t coming for another hour or so. I wanted to talk to you.”

            “About what?” Dean asked.

            “About Cas,” Sam said.

            “Hey,” Dean said, “This is your day, we don’t need to talk about my relationship right now.”

            “But I think we do,” Sam said, “I can see how happy he makes you and I wanted to check in with you since I know you get scared when things start to get serious. I want to make sure you’re not going to break your own heart because I’ve seen you do it too many times already.”

            Dean laughed. “I’m not leaving Cas, Sam. I love him too much and he makes me a better person.”

            “Are you going to marry him?” Sam asked. Dean blushed and looked down, his right hand mindlessly going to the opposite ring finger. “Oh my god, you already proposed, didn’t you!?”

            “Well, we kind of proposed to each other, but yeah. I didn’t want to tell you yet because this weekend’s supposed to be about you.”

            “I don’t care,” Sam said, “I’m just happy for you. When did it happen?”

            Dean told Sam the whole story, and of course Sam got all sappy and thought it was the cutest thing he’d ever heard. “It’s not a big deal, really,” he insisted.

            “But it is. My brother, the commitment-phobe, is getting married. Have you started making plans yet?”

            “No,” Dean admitted. “I don’t really want anything big though, and Cas doesn’t have much in terms of family. You’ll be my best man, of course.”

            “Of course,” Sam agrees. A few moments of silence pass and they just smile at each other.

            The other men begin to arrive and then it’s a flurry of activity until a little before noon when they eat a few sandwiches and then they’re all standing in the hallway, paired up with the bridesmaids while Sam waits for the music that lets him know he can make his way to the altar.

            When it’s Dean’s turn to walk down the aisle, he links hands with his partner and smiles politely, looking straight ahead at Sam, who was fidgeting like he always does when he’s excited about something.

            Cas watched Dean from where he sat on the middle of the groom’s side. There was something so serene in Dean’s face as he walked toward his brother, a look Cas knew was reserved for people he cared about.

            When Jess appears in the doorway, Cas looks at Sam. His face lights up and his fidgeting stops and apparently Sam has similar facial expressions to Dean because it’s almost the exact same way Dean looked at him when he proposed.

            Only then does he turn to look at Jess. She looks beautiful, of course, and there are already tears in her eyes as she passes.

            The ceremony was fairly typical, and went off without a hitch. Dean tried (and failed) to keep the tears from falling from his face and Cas can’t blame him because he’s pretty sure there’s not a dry eye in the house.

            When Dean sees Cas outside the church, the first thing he does is kiss him silly. “What was that for?” he asked.

            “I just love you so much, okay? And Sam knows we’re engaged.”

            “How?”

            “He asked about you. Wanted to know I wasn’t going to bail like I have every other time I’ve gotten close to someone. He asked if I was going to marry you, I must have given something away because the next thing I know he’s asking for details about the proposal.”

            “I’m glad we don’t have to keep it a secret from your brother anymore,” Cas said. “I know how important he is to you.”

            “Come on,” Dean said, taking Cas’s hand and dragging Cas behind him, “let’s go congratulate the happy couple.”

 

            At the reception hall, Cas sat awkwardly at a table full of people he had never met before, a glass of beer in his hand (thank god Jess’s dad had sprung for an open bar). He was fortunate enough to avoid small talk until a little girl asked him if he knew cousin Jess.

            “I met her yesterday,” Cas explained, “She’s very nice, but I came here because I’m dating Sam’s brother.”

            “But you’re a boy,” the girl pointed out.

            “Well, some boys, like me, like other boys. Some boys, like Dean up there, like boys and girls. I’m lucky that he likes me at all, I snore really bad.”

            The girl laughed and took a drink of her Shirley Temple. “You’re funny. I like you.”

            “I like you too.”

 

            Dinner was served and, as promised, Dean’s toast was thoroughly embarrassing. Cas found Dean at the bar while they were moving the tables so people could dance. “Missed you,” he said, wrapping his arms around Dean’s belly and nuzzling his neck.

            “Missed you too,” Dean said with a laugh. He pulled himself out of Cas’s embrace and they made their way to the edge of the dance floor where they watched the couple’s first dance, the father daughter dance and then the DJ had all the couples stand on the dance floor.

            “Do we have to?” Dean asked as Cas pulled futilely at his hand.

            “Yes,” Cas said, “I think Sam would want you too.”

            “Fine,” Dean agreed and they stood in a line, waiting for directions. “This is going to be stupid.”

            “Maybe, but it’s your brother’s wedding.”

            “Fair enough,” Dean said just before the DJ spoke up.

            “Alright, we’re going to see some examples of love right now. I want those couples who have been together for more than a month to step forward.” Surprisingly, everyone did. “Okay, 2 months,” one couple stepped stayed behind. It progressed on, going to 6 months and 9 months and then a year (Dean and Cas were joined by one other couple) and then 5, 10, 25, 50, 60; when the final couple stepped forward, they said they had been together for 76 years.

            “Think that’ll be us one day?” Dean asked.

            “Nah, we’re going to be much crankier in our old age.”

            The DJ then invited all the couples to dance, and as far as dancing goes, Dean was just proud he didn’t hurt anyone.

            Then of course there was the bouquet toss and the garter fling, Dean resolutely avoided catching it so he wouldn’t have to dance again. The cake was served (it was delicious) and the rest of the evening was spent mingling with people and taking advantage of the free drinks.

            Weddings had never been a favorite of Dean’s, but he was glad Sam and Jess were happy. “Our wedding doesn’t have to be this big, does it?” Dean asked as he sat at a table and rested his feet in Cas’s lap.

            “Who would we invite?” Cas asked rhetorically. “As long as our families are there, I’ll be happy.”

            “Do they have to be?” Dean asked suddenly.

            “I guess not…why?”

            “We can legally get married here,” Dean pointed out. “Why not just go down to the courthouse and get married?”

            “Because your brother just got married and it would only be legal in this state, so it wouldn’t even do us any good back home.”

            “Why do you have to be so logical about everything?”

            “Because someone has to,” Cas teased and then immediately yawned.

            “Would it be tacky of the best man to duck out early?” he asked, looking around the room. There were only about twenty people sitting around and he was getting tired himself.

            “Talk to Sam. I don’t go to many weddings.”

            Dean stood to go track down Sam and asked if it would be terrible if he left.

            “Go ahead, Dean,” Sam said, “I’ll see you at the gift opening tomorrow, right?”

            “Yup,” Dean agreed, slinging an arm around his brother in what could just barely pass for a hug. “I’m happy for you, man.”

            “I’m happy for you too, Dean.” Sam offered.

            As Dean lay in bed that night, Cas curled up next to him, he let himself be enveloped by his own happiness. It had been so long since he had felt this content and he wanted to savor the moment as long as possible.


	28. Chapter 28

            The gift opening was predictably dull, but Dean smiled appreciatively at all the appropriate times and enjoyed the snacks that were offered. Cas took mental notes on what kitchen gadgets he might find useful and enjoyed seeing Sam and Jess so happy.

            When Dean and Cas said goodbye to the newlyweds, Sam congratulated them again and Jess was amazed at how similar the rings were since they were chosen separately. Cas blushed and offered his own congratulations before they left to catch their plane.

            The flight this time was far less eventful. Dean fell asleep on Cas’s shoulder as Cas read a book and they were back in Chicago in no time.

            When they stumbled into their house, Gabe was sitting on their couch. “Why did we pay for a taxi when you clearly have nothing to do?” Cas asked.

            “Because I didn’t know I had nothing to do. Kali and I were going to go out but she got called into work.”

            “And why exactly are you here?” Dean asked, setting his suitcase down near the stairs.

            “Because I missed you, okay?” Gabe said. “Both of you. Plus, I wanted to make sure my baby brother wasn’t too shaken up by the flight out there.”

            “I’m fine, Gabe, but thank you for your concern. Now if you don’t mind, we’re both very tired and would like to get some sleep.”

            “Right, right,” Gabe said, “you do that. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

            Gabriel left and Dean and Cas took their luggage upstairs. They left their suitcases packed, stripped down to their boxers and climbed into bed.

            “I’ve been thinking about what you said at the wedding,” Cas said, rolling on his side to face Dean.

            Dean turned as well, “I said a lot of things that night,”

            “I meant about us having a wedding,” Cas explained, “I don’t think it’s necessary.”

            “Okay, so what, we’re just going to be engaged for the rest of our lives?”

            “Of course not, that would be ridiculous. I was thinking more like we just be married.”

            “I’m not following you, Cas.”

            “Dean,” Cas took Dean’s hands in his own, “I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I’m promising you right now that I will do that, with or without a fancy piece of paper or a big ceremony. If you’ll allow me to, I will be your husband starting now.”

            “Well then, you may now kiss your husband,”

 

Five Years Later

 

            Dean and Cas were standing at the gate, a two-month-old with blonde curls and rosy cheeks in Cas’s arms.

            It was easy to spot Sam as he towered over the crowd. Dean leaned down to the baby and asked “are you ready to meet your uncle Sammy?” The girl giggled clutched at Dean’s nose.

            “Mary,” Cas chided lightly, “Daddy’s nose is not a toy.”

            “Papa’s just jealous because he can’t do that in public and you can.” Cas gave Dean a light shove just as Sam and Jess were approaching.

            “Why didn’t you leave her with Gabriel?” Sam asked, pulling Dean into a hug.

            “She wanted to see you as soon as possible,” Dean teased while Cas explained that his brother had to work.

            “Good to see you, Jess,” Dean gave her a small hug as Sam took Mary from Cas.

            “She’s so pretty,” Jess said, taking the tiny hands in her own.

            “Anyone who’s half Dean would be,” Cas said, taking his husband’s hand in his own.

            “I hope ours is as cute,” Jess said, placing a protective hand on her stomach.

            Dean gasped, “You’re not!”

            “About three months,” Sam said, “Good thing we took the trip before she got too far along.”

            Cas offered a heartfelt congratulations and they walked out to the Car (Dean apologized for the limited room in the back seat) and talked excitedly about babies and anniversaries and the plan for dinner that night. Jess asked if they would make their marriage legal if they could. Dean gave a small smile to Cas and then in the rearview mirror to their baby.

            “I wouldn’t change a thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your support through all of this. I'm a bit sad that it's over, but it was time. I hope you all enjoyed it.


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